The Road To New – Celexa and God

“Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.” – Ecclesiastes 3:11

December 2012 was my first Christmas in GA and also my first Christmas away from my family. It was a very tough season for me. Earlier that year in April i officially moved to the peach state. I was also newly married. It was a very hard season of change for me. So a week before Christmas i decided to try an anti-depressant for the first time. It helped. So i stayed on it. Fast forward to January of this year, i made the decision to come off of Celexa for the simple reason that i just didn’t need it anymore.

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” – Philippians 1:6

It’s been a rough road. Even though i came off gradually i still got electric shock feelings and over all tingling sensations all over my body which made not only working and interacting but also just the simple act of being awake very hard. Brain fog and balance problems were there too. Oh and emotions. Crazy, roller coaster emotions as well.

I feel like the flood gates have broken open and every single emotion i have and have ever had is coming by to say “hello” and “i’m just going to make my home here and never leave”.

But, i think there is something here to learn. I have this crazy feeling God is in this. After many days and nights crying out to Him about how i can’t control these emotions and feelings of mine i slowly feel like my heart is changing and coming to understand that this is clean up time. This is Cecily heart maintenance. And it’s a rough, painful job.

“There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build” – Ecclesiastes 3:1-3

God is really using this time of my life to show me just how cold and lost my heart is when i don’t keep Him at the center of my life. He is bringing to light all of the crappy feelings i have let fester inside of me for too long. Things that it’s time to let go of. Things that He wants me to see through His eyes. Not my own.

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” – Romans 12:2

To be honest, it has left me drained and exhausted. Drained because it’s a fight. A fight between my self and God and the enemy. I don’t want to surrender and moreover the enemy doesn’t want me to surrender. Because if i do surrender God will take over. I won’t be able to hold on to the anger, fear, insecurity and pain that i have found a home in for so long. If i surrender God will make this mess beautiful.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28

I am not very beautiful right now. My heart needs maintenance. It needs to be broken. I need to be broken so i can be made new. There is a season for everything. This is my season to be made new. To let God take all this junk in this heart and to make it love what He loves and see how He sees and act how He acts. Oh how i want that.

“He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21:5

So as much as i feel beat i know i am not. I know this is the valley on the way to what God has planned. And i am so excited to see what He has at the end of this valley. My eyes are wide with hope and expectancy. I will wait and i will fight and i will surrender. I will let my God, my King fight for me because i don’t have the strength to fight on my own. And in the end it will be beautiful and i will be refined.

I’ve heard it said that God loves you too much to leave you the way that you are. I think that is true.

“These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold–though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.” – 1 Peter 1:7

~Cecily

This is my 50 Shades of Gray Post

I know, before you sigh and click off this blog thinking “Oh, another prudish, judgmental Christian ranting about what they think is wrong” please give me a few minutes of your time will you? Thank you, you are very polite :)

First off, i’m not a prude. Though i have been called that before (and it made my day) i really am not. So with that being said, let’s talk about sex (sorry mom).

I’ve been married for 3 years and almost 3 months, so don’t think sex is bad in anyway.Just putting that out there for the ones that think Christians hate sex.

Sex was created by God to be a loving and enjoyable act between two souls who share their lives together in the union of marriage. And of course to create life.

I have no objection to mixing it up in the safety of your bedroom and your spouse.Have fun. Enjoy each other. Get to fully know one another.

See that is the amazing thing about sex – We get to know someone fully in ways no one else knows. That is true intimacy.

50 Shades doesn’t promote intimacy, it promotes and focuses on force, domination and down right abuse. I’m sorry if someone is offended by this. But it really is true. If your partner is hitting you in the bedroom so hard that you start to cry. That there is ABUSE. It is not LOVE.

There is something wrong when your partner refers to you as their “submissive” and instructs you on when to do things like shave and so on. This is dominance and abuse. This is not true love.

True love doesn’t force. True love respects you. True love is safe. True love doesn’t leave marks on you. True love is not domineering, acting like you are property.

The last thing i want to address is the porn issue.

Women tend to get angry and disgusted when men look at porn. And yet, women are now doing it themselves (Magic Mike anyone?).  I really don’t have to explain how this is porn because if you don’t already know then we have bigger issues.

Why is porn bad? It’s harmless right? It can even make my marriage better?

No, i’m sorry it isn’t harmless. I could tell you stores of how it is not harmless. I’ve seen the struggle in people I’ve known. I’ve seen the pain when it takes over and becomes an addiction.

Porn ruins and skews our view of what sex should be and removes intimacy from the table. It gives us unattainable expectations and when those expectations can’t be reached it causes disconnect between partners. Porn can and has ruined lives and marriages.

The bible says in Philippians 4:8 “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

I am not judging anyone for reading these books or watching these moves. Because if i judge then i will be judged. I am not a perfect Christian by any means. I screw up daily and need God’s grace to pick me up and dust me off. I have made many mistakes and bad judgment calls in the 25 years I’ve been on this earth. So please, don’t take this blog as judgment or condemnation. That is not at all my want or intention. This is just something i feel in my heart that needs to be addressed.

Love and many blessings,

Cecily

What He Requires Of Me

I’ve always loved Micah 6:8, “And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” . But today it really has me thinking. Do i do these things? Do i do what He requires? Do i act justly? Do i love mercy? And is my walk a humble one? I sure hope so. But i know not all of the time.

Since the new year started I’ve been walking for an hour every day. Normally i listen to music during this time…from worship, to punk rock to some ghetto rap. But today i decided to listen to an audio book – Margaret Fienburg’s “Hungry for God”. While listening i found my self crying as i walked up and down my drive way…yes, i walk around and around my driveway for an hour….sometimes when its cold i wear a bright pink hat with ear flaps…i ultimately look like a dork when i walk. But that’s beside the point.

Margaret’s book really struck a chord with me and where i have been lately. Hungry. Needing a little push. Focused on my own life and everyday duties. My own wants and plans for this year.

After my walk i log on to Facebook and see the scripture in Proverbs 31:25 “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear of the future”, which has been a scripture i try to live by as of late.

All these 3 things combined have me taking a look at myself and asking “Am i doing this right? Am i living what i preach? Am i living in step with God? Is my heart in these places, walking with no fear and laughing at the future because i have peace that i am taken care of? Can i say that i seek justice and that i love mercy? Is my heart too bogged down with this and that to have any room for God and to be His hands and feet to a desperate and hurting world? I am willing to say “send me! use me!”.

Am i doing what he requires of me? Am i living a life that reflects Him?

These questions are making take a check of what i am living for and what i am doing here. I feel God tugging at my heart today to be open. To have a soft heart. To lean not on my understanding but to lean on His. To press my ear to him and listen to what He wants from this humble servant of His.

So, here’s to soft, open hearts, eyes and ears. May we all be open-hearted enough to do what He requires of us – “To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God”

~Cecily

Snap Shots – 2014 in Review

Often times we tend to forget what a year holds. The moments that were created and the blessings that were given. The days, both ordinary and special, that have passed. This is my way of remembering the highlights of 2014. Feel free to share yours :)

Winter 

We had a New Year/Christmas celebration on New Years day because Nikki and Nigel were in England for Christmas visiting Nigel’s family for the holiday.

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A couple weeks later it snowed and we had lots and lots of fun!!!

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After that Nikki had her dissertation defense and was named “Dr. Nikki Sawyer and we are all super proud of her!!

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Chason took me out for a beautiful Valentines Day at the Shakespeare Tavern for Romeo and Juliet with dinner and roses at a beautiful table right in the front row. I felt so happy and special!!

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Spring

We had a blast eating and gallivanting around Ren Fest! It has become one of my favorite times of year :)

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Chason turned the big 3.0!!!

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We celebrated with movies, Outback and a big dinner with friends and family at Fogo de Chao!

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Somewhere in there we went to see Augustana and Twin Forks play in ATL…it was such a fun and happy night!!!

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Sandy and Nikki and i started painting! It all started with a paint day in Decatur and then we did a few more and now we have a paint day once a month at Sandy’s house! I love it!!

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My family came to visit us in GA and we ate lots of ice cream and had lots and lots of coffee!

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Nikki graduated!!! :D

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Summer

We took a Wetter family vacation to Alaska for Nikki’s graduation and i celebrated my 25th birthday on a train and on a ship!

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We then had a lovely and fun summer which included lots of swimming, grilling, me visiting my family in Texas, 4th of July celebration and a visit to Cape San Blas :)

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We also got kittens this summer!!! Zettatera Bite and Munch Munch cheesy poof! They are the sweetest! <3

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And got to seeMerriment and Sucre rock ATL with their angelic voices and get to meet Christi!! It was a beautiful night!! <3

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 Fall

That brings us to Fall when we had fun times with Chason’s friends at a fest in town and celebrated our 3rd (eppp!!!) wedding anniversary! Along with all of that we had a little family Halloween gathering and i rode my first ferris wheel at the county fair :)

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Thanksgiving was beautiful with lots of family and Chason’s uncle coming from MO! I love them! Sandy had a full house and we all had a blast!

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Winter

In December we got to visit my family in Texas for a week and celebrate Christmas early..it was short but we always have a wonderful happy time when together! We also visited Round Top and shopped at Junk Gypsy and ate pie and drank coffee at Pie Haven…soooo yummy!!!

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Christmas Day was spent with Chason’s family at our home. I loved hosting Christmas and even channeled my inner Martha and folded napkins like Christmas trees! Chason got me some beautiful necklaces and earrings as well as my dream Kitchen Aid Mixer!!!! I still can’t believe i have one!!!! It was a fun holiday with sweet family and i loved it :)

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And that brings use to today – New Years Eve. As i look back at the photos from this year i realize just how fun, adventures and sweet it has been. I saw breath taking beauty in Alaska that shouted God’s praise and glory and power. We celebrated big birthdays and had such fun times with friends and family. It has been wonderful and blessed. But, don’t look at these photos and let them fool you – It has also been a hard year. It’s been a year of countless hours of work for my husband and growth for me. 2014 has been filled with lessons and trails that have tested us. But God, like always, has been faithful. So faithful. He has provided grace in moments of desperation and hope and peace in times of exhaustion. I have been blessed with sweet people and love and grace this year. And i am stronger and my heart and faith are stronger for it.  I am so beyond blessed to have my best friend as my husband to be my partner through this crazy journey. I love him so much and this year has shown me how much i know that God has a plan for us. I wouldn’t want to be on the ride with anyone else in the world.

So 2015 here is to you. May you grow us all and show us the love that Christ has for us all through your many days and months of both trial and blessing. And to my dear ones, i pray grace and peace and blessing to you all. Cheers my dear ones, let’s all live this new chapter with expectant joy and wide open hearts and eyes.

~Cecily

Stories and Reminders…

We are all stories. And we all have a part to play. A message to tell. And every story is different. Every story has it’s own pace and setting. It’s own purpose. And it’s own beauty.

Trying to remember this morning that God is telling His story through my life and i must submit to Him and the process to bring Him glory and see what wonders He has in store.

What story is He trying to tell through your life?

“Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.” – Ecclesiastes 3:11-13

~Cecily

Dear Heart…

Dear Heart,

There are some things on my mind these days that i can’t let go. Things i think we should remember and always know. So here they are, raw and unrefined a list to keep for this heart of mine.

1. Speak your heart. Unwavering and true. Speak what you feel and let others hear you.

2. Listen oh heart, listen fully to those around. Hear their words, the words they speak without sound.

3.Don’t be afraid. Don’t be alarmed when the walls come shattering down. Let them fall gentle and true. Let them crash down so love and truth can shine through.

3. Let go my heart, learn to let go. Let life’s sand fall through your hands. Give it up. Give it to Him. Accept that you can’t always understand.

4. Laugh. Laugh at what you can’t understand and cannot see. Trust your God has it all working for your good and laugh as he tells you that you should.

5. Lastly dear heart and do not forget, have peace with God’s plan and cherish and be thankful for whatever you get. For it is the journey and not always the “now” that makes this life worth living and these growing moments worth remembering <3

“She is clothed with strength and dignity,

and she laughs without fear of the future.

When she speaks,her words are wise,

and she gives instructions with kindness.” – Proverbs 31:25-26

~Cecily Wetter

Identity

I’ve been married for 2 1/2 years now. When i first got hitched i was 22 and had never been on my own before…i was timid and very unsure. The smallest tasks like cooking for my husband or cleaning were hard for me because i felt so new to it all and nervous. Now 2 1/2 years in i feel like i have finally come into my identity as a wife and a woman.

I feel like now i have a handle on most things. Cooking is fun and so easy for me now and i feel like i really own my kitchen. I’ve always loved to be in the kitchen and feeling in charge and free to create is so awesome. I love how things just come so naturally to me now…cleaning and taking care of my husband and family and friends. My full self as a woman has really come to the surface in the last year and i don’t feel nervous or unsure anymore. I feel like marriage fits me well and that i was created to serve in this way.

So many things have had to be dealt with though to get to this point. Lots of insecurities had to be laid down and gotten over. I had to learn not to be afraid to fail and to be vulnerable. Insecurities will take you over if you let them i can tell you that for sure. If i’ve learned anything in these almost 3 years it’s that you have to own your life. You have the power to either curl up and hide or to stand up and take charge  and know you are capable.

It was hard being on my own for the first time, being in my first year of marriage and being so far away from family all at the same time. But it really stretched and grew me and now i feel like i’m seeing the benefits.

I’m so happy with the person i am now and who i am growing into. God has been so good with me. He’s always teaching me and correcting me with so much grace and love and i am so thankful. <3

 

~Cecily

 

Loving It Away

This week has me thinking about pain. Pain and love and healing.

1 Peter 4:8 says “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

I love that scripture because there is great hope in it. But i always thought of it between two individuals. Like the one who hurts and the one who did the hurting.

But then i started thinking, if love can cover sins, could my love cover the sins of others? The sins inflicted upon loved ones by third parties?

Can i love so strong and true that through my love God can heal the scars of my dear ones? I think so. In fact, i think that is what we are called to do. We are called to be like Jesus, and Jesus loves our pain away and leads us into healing. That is what i believe we should emmulate.

I know so many who have been deeply hurt. Hurt by people they were supposed to be able to trust. And pain, pain takes it’s time to heal…wounds take time to recover and mend. Hearts need safety. They need to know that it is okay to just heal in the time that they need to. I need those things. I need healing as well. I think we all do. Hurt is something no one is exempt from in this world.

But if we could love, truly love. And listen. And hug. And hold a hand. Maybe these things can cover the sins. Maybe they can help mend the wounds and bring healing.

Maybe all we need is to love in the darkness. In the weakness. In the healing. Until we, through the power of our Lord, love it all away.

Because He will most assuredly love it all away.

 

“But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.” – Isaiah 53:5

 

~Cecily

 

Seasons and Lessons

So, as i sit here trying to catch my blog up on all my thoughts my husband is on a business call teaching a friend and i’m trying to decide if i should blog, finish up work or workout…blogging won.

Lately i feel like I’ve been on a life lesson journey (then again, when are we not?) . Some haven’t been easy but they all have proven to me how much i don’t know and how much i want to learn.

Lesson 1. Open your heart. Be honest.

This one has always been hard for me. Being vulnerable with people is not easy in any respect let alone for a person as awkward as i am. But I’ve realized how are people supposed to know me and how i feel if i never tell them? I think sometimes we expect that others should just “know” for one reason or another. But alas, people cannot read minds (unless you can. And in that case we should be friends). I’ve gone around for so long expecting others to do what i felt i couldn’t/shouldn’t/didn’t want to. It didn’t work. I had built up feelings (and reoccurring dreams).

So, one night i just bit the bullet and said what was on my heart. And you know, i got mixed responses but that’s okay. I prayed for God’s favor in the situation. I did what was on my spirit. And i say “spirit” because i believe you should do everything with the help of the Holy Spirit and His guidance as opposed to the popular belief of “going with your heart”, which according to Jeremiah 17:9 “is deceitful above all things”. I’m liking the new honest, open hearted me, no matter the response because i know i am being true.

Lesson 2 – Life is about progression,seasons and movement. And it can be beautiful.

I think this had been the hardest for me. Since moving from my home state of Texas to my new home in GA i’ve really had to accept that a lot of life is about change. But as of late i’m starting to learn not just “acceptance” but beauty in the progression of my ever changing life seasons.

Call me a hippie but i firmly believe that we move with the seasons…Summer is playful, Fall is introspective, Winter is mournful and full of letting go. And Spring, Spring is for new, beautiful birth.

Maybe it’s just me, but  my life tends to follow the seasons.

The difference is, we may not always get the same season back. And that is okay. I’m learning to be thankful for the seasons i had. And learning that maybe that was all they were supposed to be, just seasons. And that’s not to be little them, because seasons are part of us, but some we just have to let go and say “blessed was this, oh Lord! Thank you.” and burn it down and walk away. Walk away thankful with a full, learning heart into the new chapter.

Lesson 3 – Marriage is the hardest, most Christ-like thing you will do. But it is all beautiful worth it.

I’ve been married a little over 2 years (2 years and 4 months to be exact lol) and i have to say i never thought i could grow so much in so short of time! Marriage stretches you. It pulls you away from the selfish. It sharpens you.

My husband is an incredible man and on a daily basis i can’t believe that i get the blessing of being his wife! But no marriage is perfect. And i don’t think it was ever meant to be. I think marriage is meant to grow us into the loving and graceful people God created us to be. And that isn’t going to be a smooth ride (at least for me…i’m a stubborn one!).

I guess i’ve been learning that no matter the hardship of putting yourself last you will find more beauty in it than any selfish action could ever provide. I look at my role as a wife as my calling. And i take my calling very seriously. My duty to my God is to first honor Him and second to honor my husband. I’ve realized more and more how hard this is when your wants sometimes differ with your husbands. But i am called to submit to him…not controlling “do what i say” submit. It’s a holy and beautiful submission to my husband knowing that God put him as the head of our home.

I think submission in the biblical sense is a way of teaching us to lay down our lives for others. My marriage encourages me everyday to become more and more the woman that God created me to be. It’s grown my heart and soul in more ways than i can say and i can’t wait to see how much more i learn in the future.

 

This is just some of what has been on my heart as of late. I feel God wanting to grow me in this season and i hope i can lay down my will enough to keep finding out what all the seasons and the lessons they bring mean for my future.

 

Cheers, Cecily