Thoughts On Time and Places….

So i turn 28 on Sunday…ekk weird huh? Two years until 30 (whoa!). I’ve been in a sort of weird place as of late with the getting older and the various work stress, life stress and my overall issues. I have not been handling these stresses the best. I’ve been trying by hardest to let God take my burdens and surrender my worries to Him…but that is so easier than said and as much as i desire it it seems so very away sometimes.

I had hoped to “have it all together” at this point (HA!!). Or even have it semi-all together. But have i come to realize that that is just not me – not my life plan. I am that “hot mess” gal that you see who is just trying her best to love others and love Jesus and keep her clients and companies happy all the while doing her best to be a great wife and friend, daughter and sister and have that rockin’ cat eye on point (yall know i love my eyeliner!). I fall short (pun intended…ya know, because i am short..get it?) most of the time.

But here i am, confused, tired, excited and so many other things And really in need of some time away. Time to un-plug, time to read, write, listen, eat, swim,explore, to find myself again. .And cry. Because sometimes you just need some time to cry for what has been and what will be.

With all that being said, i have begun to write a list of things i feel are important to remember and do as well i things a few things i have learned in these 28 years. Cheers!

1. Dream

This 28th year of my life is really want to restart dreaming. And i don’t just mean dream – I mean dreaming in the power of Jesus. Praying and dreaming with hope to bring glory to His name and love, help and connect others to His love and healing. I have always had this feeling, and it is growing stronger by the day,  that there is something God wants me to do with this messy, batty heart and story of mine….i don’t what that is but i feel like He is putting new thoughts, dreams, hopes and ideas in my heart and  i am excited to find the out and what He wants me to do with them. Life gets in the way of dreaming sometimes…the list of things clients need, laundry that has to be done, dinner that has to be cooked and cleaned and so on and so on but dreaming is important and 28 will be my dreaming year. So Cheers!

2. Explore

While i LOVE exploring this big ol’ world and want to do more of it in this list item i am talking about exploring who you are, who i am. It does go with #1 but comes with a whole new set of emotional baggage but is worth it i believe. Again i repeat life gets in the way too often and with responsibilities (What’s that?….*shout out to all the MXPX fans who actually get that reference…if you don’t we can’t be friends…lol i’m just kidding, look it up and then we can be friends)

3. Create

While my job requires me to be creative on a day-to-day basis i have found that i NEED a creative outlet outside of my work – Writing is one of those outlets, baking is too, along with painting which i have taken up with my mom in-law and sis in-law in recent years. This year i really want to take more time to create in many different forms – Painting, writing, baking, crafting and finally learning and finishing those crochet and cross stitch projects i started 3 years ago but got too busy to complete. And anything else God puts on my heart. This year, i pray, will be a year of creation

4. Laugh

I am a big fan of laughter…if you know me at all you know i laugh a lot…and usually at the most random and inappropriate times (thankfully my husband is the same so we get each other lol). I feel laughter can get you through the most messed up times…even if the only thing to laugh at is how messed up the situation is it does help. So want to always remember to laugh….laugh is the good times, in the awkward times and in the “i have no idea how i am going to do this/get through this/what is going to happen times. Oh, and you don’t already have some find some crazy friends who will laugh with you at all of these things and even crazier things because that really helps your heart too (it really helps mine <3)

5. Remember it WILL all be okay

This is one i am having to remind myself as of late. And as i write this it is hard for me….but i know IT IS TRUE. Things ache and life can get very, very stressful and frustrating but it really will be okay. I have gone through some dark times in my life, times of confusion, depression and many other various situations where it seems so hopeless…but guess what? HOPE FOUND ME. As it always does and always will – but you have to let it in. Don’t give yourself away to despair –  hope and joy are ready to hold you. So let it hold you. Let God hold you

Also, i want to remember where i have been, what i have prayed for, and how God has moved and answered me. This is very important in life. Keeping a prayer journal helps so you can record your prayers and ways God has answered…i’ve not been very good at keeping up with that but i would like to do so this year.

6.Breathe

This year i want to take more time to breathe. To step back from everyday life/stress/work and take care of myself. My heart, mind, body and soul. Whether that comes in the form of creating or praying or just taking longer walks in the woods my heart, every heart, needs that time to reconnect with one’s self and with God. I love nature, i love walking and exploring the woods on our land finding new plants and creeks and breathing in the fresh air while the sun kisses my skin. I will do more of that this year. I will take more time to lay on the grass and stare at the clouds and stairs and let my heart be made new by its beauty.

7. Surrender

Ah surrender, you funny friend…always so easy to invite in, so hard to let stay. But in the end so beautiful to commune with. Surrender is easier said than done, and believe me on most days it is a power struggle but i know, i KNOW, from experience it is the ONLY way. I look back on my life to when i have FULLY surrendered to God, like EVERYTHING…relationships, mind, body, circumstances and i see His fingerprints so clearly it’s almost too crazy…but it’s not

8. Trust

I don’t do well with trust…even though i desire it it is so hard for me. Even though time and time and time again God had proven He WILL provided exceedingly more than i could ask in times of trouble i turn to doubt. This is silly. As i know, I HAVE SEEN God work in my life and the lives other others. I wants so desperately to be like Jesus on the cross and say “Into Your hands i commit my spirit”

The song “It Is Well” by Bethel Music describes my prayer for this year of my life “So let go my soul and trust in Him The waves and wind still know His name”

Trusting in God’s time, plan, path and will can be so hard, but dear heart listen when i say this (to me as much as you reading) it IS AND WILL BE WORTH IT.

So, those are my 8 things i want to do in my 28th year on this big ‘ol beautiful, crazy world. I would love to hear what things you are hoping to make time for this year if you feel so inclined to share 🙂

In closing, i want to give a big shout out and thanks to those wonderful people who put up with me for my whole life and every day – I know i can be a lot to deal with sometimes lol but ya’ll keep this heart of mine happy and full. I am SO crazy thankful for the people in my life; my family on both sides, my husband and my sweet friends, thank you all for loving me and always being there to listen, pray and share life with me.

Cheers 28, my eyes and heart are wide open waiting to see what you have in store ❤

-CW

The Road To New – Celexa and God

“Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.” – Ecclesiastes 3:11

December 2012 was my first Christmas in GA and also my first Christmas away from my family. It was a very tough season for me. Earlier that year in April i officially moved to the peach state. I was also newly married. It was a very hard season of change for me. So a week before Christmas i decided to try an anti-depressant for the first time. It helped. So i stayed on it. Fast forward to January of this year, i made the decision to come off of Celexa for the simple reason that i just didn’t need it anymore.

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” – Philippians 1:6

It’s been a rough road. Even though i came off gradually i still got electric shock feelings and over all tingling sensations all over my body which made not only working and interacting but also just the simple act of being awake very hard. Brain fog and balance problems were there too. Oh and emotions. Crazy, roller coaster emotions as well.

I feel like the flood gates have broken open and every single emotion i have and have ever had is coming by to say “hello” and “i’m just going to make my home here and never leave”.

But, i think there is something here to learn. I have this crazy feeling God is in this. After many days and nights crying out to Him about how i can’t control these emotions and feelings of mine i slowly feel like my heart is changing and coming to understand that this is clean up time. This is Cecily heart maintenance. And it’s a rough, painful job.

“There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build” – Ecclesiastes 3:1-3

God is really using this time of my life to show me just how cold and lost my heart is when i don’t keep Him at the center of my life. He is bringing to light all of the crappy feelings i have let fester inside of me for too long. Things that it’s time to let go of. Things that He wants me to see through His eyes. Not my own.

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” – Romans 12:2

To be honest, it has left me drained and exhausted. Drained because it’s a fight. A fight between my self and God and the enemy. I don’t want to surrender and moreover the enemy doesn’t want me to surrender. Because if i do surrender God will take over. I won’t be able to hold on to the anger, fear, insecurity and pain that i have found a home in for so long. If i surrender God will make this mess beautiful.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28

I am not very beautiful right now. My heart needs maintenance. It needs to be broken. I need to be broken so i can be made new. There is a season for everything. This is my season to be made new. To let God take all this junk in this heart and to make it love what He loves and see how He sees and act how He acts. Oh how i want that.

“He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21:5

So as much as i feel beat i know i am not. I know this is the valley on the way to what God has planned. And i am so excited to see what He has at the end of this valley. My eyes are wide with hope and expectancy. I will wait and i will fight and i will surrender. I will let my God, my King fight for me because i don’t have the strength to fight on my own. And in the end it will be beautiful and i will be refined.

I’ve heard it said that God loves you too much to leave you the way that you are. I think that is true.

“These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold–though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.” – 1 Peter 1:7

~Cecily

This is my 50 Shades of Gray Post

I know, before you sigh and click off this blog thinking “Oh, another prudish, judgmental Christian ranting about what they think is wrong” please give me a few minutes of your time will you? Thank you, you are very polite 🙂

First off, i’m not a prude. Though i have been called that before (and it made my day) i really am not. So with that being said, let’s talk about sex (sorry mom).

I’ve been married for 3 years and almost 3 months, so don’t think sex is bad in anyway.Just putting that out there for the ones that think Christians hate sex.

Sex was created by God to be a loving and enjoyable act between two souls who share their lives together in the union of marriage. And of course to create life.

I have no objection to mixing it up in the safety of your bedroom and your spouse.Have fun. Enjoy each other. Get to fully know one another.

See that is the amazing thing about sex – We get to know someone fully in ways no one else knows. That is true intimacy.

50 Shades doesn’t promote intimacy, it promotes and focuses on force, domination and down right abuse. I’m sorry if someone is offended by this. But it really is true. If your partner is hitting you in the bedroom so hard that you start to cry. That there is ABUSE. It is not LOVE.

There is something wrong when your partner refers to you as their “submissive” and instructs you on when to do things like shave and so on. This is dominance and abuse. This is not true love.

True love doesn’t force. True love respects you. True love is safe. True love doesn’t leave marks on you. True love is not domineering, acting like you are property.

The last thing i want to address is the porn issue.

Women tend to get angry and disgusted when men look at porn. And yet, women are now doing it themselves (Magic Mike anyone?).  I really don’t have to explain how this is porn because if you don’t already know then we have bigger issues.

Why is porn bad? It’s harmless right? It can even make my marriage better?

No, i’m sorry it isn’t harmless. I could tell you stores of how it is not harmless. I’ve seen the struggle in people I’ve known. I’ve seen the pain when it takes over and becomes an addiction.

Porn ruins and skews our view of what sex should be and removes intimacy from the table. It gives us unattainable expectations and when those expectations can’t be reached it causes disconnect between partners. Porn can and has ruined lives and marriages.

The bible says in Philippians 4:8 “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

I am not judging anyone for reading these books or watching these moves. Because if i judge then i will be judged. I am not a perfect Christian by any means. I screw up daily and need God’s grace to pick me up and dust me off. I have made many mistakes and bad judgment calls in the 25 years I’ve been on this earth. So please, don’t take this blog as judgment or condemnation. That is not at all my want or intention. This is just something i feel in my heart that needs to be addressed.

Love and many blessings,

Cecily

What He Requires Of Me

I’ve always loved Micah 6:8, “And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” . But today it really has me thinking. Do i do these things? Do i do what He requires? Do i act justly? Do i love mercy? And is my walk a humble one? I sure hope so. But i know not all of the time.

Since the new year started I’ve been walking for an hour every day. Normally i listen to music during this time…from worship, to punk rock to some ghetto rap. But today i decided to listen to an audio book – Margaret Fienburg’s “Hungry for God”. While listening i found my self crying as i walked up and down my drive way…yes, i walk around and around my driveway for an hour….sometimes when its cold i wear a bright pink hat with ear flaps…i ultimately look like a dork when i walk. But that’s beside the point.

Margaret’s book really struck a chord with me and where i have been lately. Hungry. Needing a little push. Focused on my own life and everyday duties. My own wants and plans for this year.

After my walk i log on to Facebook and see the scripture in Proverbs 31:25 “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear of the future”, which has been a scripture i try to live by as of late.

All these 3 things combined have me taking a look at myself and asking “Am i doing this right? Am i living what i preach? Am i living in step with God? Is my heart in these places, walking with no fear and laughing at the future because i have peace that i am taken care of? Can i say that i seek justice and that i love mercy? Is my heart too bogged down with this and that to have any room for God and to be His hands and feet to a desperate and hurting world? I am willing to say “send me! use me!”.

Am i doing what he requires of me? Am i living a life that reflects Him?

These questions are making take a check of what i am living for and what i am doing here. I feel God tugging at my heart today to be open. To have a soft heart. To lean not on my understanding but to lean on His. To press my ear to him and listen to what He wants from this humble servant of His.

So, here’s to soft, open hearts, eyes and ears. May we all be open-hearted enough to do what He requires of us – “To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God”

~Cecily

Stories and Reminders…

We are all stories. And we all have a part to play. A message to tell. And every story is different. Every story has it’s own pace and setting. It’s own purpose. And it’s own beauty.

Trying to remember this morning that God is telling His story through my life and i must submit to Him and the process to bring Him glory and see what wonders He has in store.

What story is He trying to tell through your life?

“Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.” – Ecclesiastes 3:11-13

~Cecily

Dear Heart…

Dear Heart,

There are some things on my mind these days that i can’t let go. Things i think we should remember and always know. So here they are, raw and unrefined a list to keep for this heart of mine.

1. Speak your heart. Unwavering and true. Speak what you feel and let others hear you.

2. Listen oh heart, listen fully to those around. Hear their words, the words they speak without sound.

3.Don’t be afraid. Don’t be alarmed when the walls come shattering down. Let them fall gentle and true. Let them crash down so love and truth can shine through.

3. Let go my heart, learn to let go. Let life’s sand fall through your hands. Give it up. Give it to Him. Accept that you can’t always understand.

4. Laugh. Laugh at what you can’t understand and cannot see. Trust your God has it all working for your good and laugh as he tells you that you should.

5. Lastly dear heart and do not forget, have peace with God’s plan and cherish and be thankful for whatever you get. For it is the journey and not always the “now” that makes this life worth living and these growing moments worth remembering ❤

“She is clothed with strength and dignity,

and she laughs without fear of the future.

When she speaks,her words are wise,

and she gives instructions with kindness.” – Proverbs 31:25-26

~Cecily Wetter

Loving It Away

This week has me thinking about pain. Pain and love and healing.

1 Peter 4:8 says “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

I love that scripture because there is great hope in it. But i always thought of it between two individuals. Like the one who hurts and the one who did the hurting.

But then i started thinking, if love can cover sins, could my love cover the sins of others? The sins inflicted upon loved ones by third parties?

Can i love so strong and true that through my love God can heal the scars of my dear ones? I think so. In fact, i think that is what we are called to do. We are called to be like Jesus, and Jesus loves our pain away and leads us into healing. That is what i believe we should emmulate.

I know so many who have been deeply hurt. Hurt by people they were supposed to be able to trust. And pain, pain takes it’s time to heal…wounds take time to recover and mend. Hearts need safety. They need to know that it is okay to just heal in the time that they need to. I need those things. I need healing as well. I think we all do. Hurt is something no one is exempt from in this world.

But if we could love, truly love. And listen. And hug. And hold a hand. Maybe these things can cover the sins. Maybe they can help mend the wounds and bring healing.

Maybe all we need is to love in the darkness. In the weakness. In the healing. Until we, through the power of our Lord, love it all away.

Because He will most assuredly love it all away.

 

“But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.” – Isaiah 53:5

 

~Cecily

 

Seasons and Lessons

So, as i sit here trying to catch my blog up on all my thoughts my husband is on a business call teaching a friend and i’m trying to decide if i should blog, finish up work or workout…blogging won.

Lately i feel like I’ve been on a life lesson journey (then again, when are we not?) . Some haven’t been easy but they all have proven to me how much i don’t know and how much i want to learn.

Lesson 1. Open your heart. Be honest.

This one has always been hard for me. Being vulnerable with people is not easy in any respect let alone for a person as awkward as i am. But I’ve realized how are people supposed to know me and how i feel if i never tell them? I think sometimes we expect that others should just “know” for one reason or another. But alas, people cannot read minds (unless you can. And in that case we should be friends). I’ve gone around for so long expecting others to do what i felt i couldn’t/shouldn’t/didn’t want to. It didn’t work. I had built up feelings (and reoccurring dreams).

So, one night i just bit the bullet and said what was on my heart. And you know, i got mixed responses but that’s okay. I prayed for God’s favor in the situation. I did what was on my spirit. And i say “spirit” because i believe you should do everything with the help of the Holy Spirit and His guidance as opposed to the popular belief of “going with your heart”, which according to Jeremiah 17:9 “is deceitful above all things”. I’m liking the new honest, open hearted me, no matter the response because i know i am being true.

Lesson 2 – Life is about progression,seasons and movement. And it can be beautiful.

I think this had been the hardest for me. Since moving from my home state of Texas to my new home in GA i’ve really had to accept that a lot of life is about change. But as of late i’m starting to learn not just “acceptance” but beauty in the progression of my ever changing life seasons.

Call me a hippie but i firmly believe that we move with the seasons…Summer is playful, Fall is introspective, Winter is mournful and full of letting go. And Spring, Spring is for new, beautiful birth.

Maybe it’s just me, but  my life tends to follow the seasons.

The difference is, we may not always get the same season back. And that is okay. I’m learning to be thankful for the seasons i had. And learning that maybe that was all they were supposed to be, just seasons. And that’s not to be little them, because seasons are part of us, but some we just have to let go and say “blessed was this, oh Lord! Thank you.” and burn it down and walk away. Walk away thankful with a full, learning heart into the new chapter.

Lesson 3 – Marriage is the hardest, most Christ-like thing you will do. But it is all beautiful worth it.

I’ve been married a little over 2 years (2 years and 4 months to be exact lol) and i have to say i never thought i could grow so much in so short of time! Marriage stretches you. It pulls you away from the selfish. It sharpens you.

My husband is an incredible man and on a daily basis i can’t believe that i get the blessing of being his wife! But no marriage is perfect. And i don’t think it was ever meant to be. I think marriage is meant to grow us into the loving and graceful people God created us to be. And that isn’t going to be a smooth ride (at least for me…i’m a stubborn one!).

I guess i’ve been learning that no matter the hardship of putting yourself last you will find more beauty in it than any selfish action could ever provide. I look at my role as a wife as my calling. And i take my calling very seriously. My duty to my God is to first honor Him and second to honor my husband. I’ve realized more and more how hard this is when your wants sometimes differ with your husbands. But i am called to submit to him…not controlling “do what i say” submit. It’s a holy and beautiful submission to my husband knowing that God put him as the head of our home.

I think submission in the biblical sense is a way of teaching us to lay down our lives for others. My marriage encourages me everyday to become more and more the woman that God created me to be. It’s grown my heart and soul in more ways than i can say and i can’t wait to see how much more i learn in the future.

 

This is just some of what has been on my heart as of late. I feel God wanting to grow me in this season and i hope i can lay down my will enough to keep finding out what all the seasons and the lessons they bring mean for my future.

 

Cheers, Cecily

Housewife Dreams

Some people in their early twenties desire to purse a career,go dancing on the town with their friends etc…i on the other hand just wanted to be married. Married and have my own little baking biz on the side but marriage was the first thing always on my mind.

I can’t really tell you why. From the age of 16 through 19 i wanted nothing to do with marriage. It just seemed like death to put it bluntly. I was very angry back then at a lot of things and kept it all inside. That is until the moment in my life came where i let God take it all away, all the pain anger and fear. I let Him open my heart and i let love in.

Ever since then, He has changed my heart toward love and marriage and it was the thing i wanted most. I used to have the fear that i wouldn’t get married until my forties and i’d have to wear a pant suite like Hilary Clinton’s.  Now being that i married at 22 i find that fear funny, but back then…let’s just say it was very real :0

hillary_clinton_300

(yikes!!!)

I’ve been thinking about why i want to be a wife and why i want to be a good and virtuous one.

Proverbs 31:10-12 says

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. 

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. 

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”

When i read that my heart just leaps – I want my price to be far above rubies! I want my husband to safely trust me and i want to do him good all his life! I want to a  virtuous and Godly wife to my husband, not only because i love him, but because God calls me to as well.

Thankfully, i have many good example of Godly women to look up to, my mom being the first, as well as family and friends,

I guess i have realized that i don’t see marriage being entered into just because you love someone, i see it as a blessing of responsibility, trust, love. I see it as a calling. My calling as a wife is to love and honor my husband and bring him good. My calling, as a Christian wife, is to be an example for God’s love and grace to my husband. I see this as both beautiful and full of weight. I don’t take being a wife lightly. Yes, love is so fun and wonderful and full of happy sweet moments, but the act of entering a marriage union with someone is so much more and far greater than that.

Chason and i have always had a very deep relationship…probably because we connected with each others hurt and pains of life. Because of this i feel very compelled to protect his heart and emotions…not saying i always do a good job (pms makes me a witch), but his heart is very special to me and i tend to feel like a momma bear when someone/something hurts him.  And i know he is the same with me (i’ve seen it 🙂 So, yes marriage is fun, but it is also a huge responsibility, And every day i am honored and blessed and in awe that it has been given to me.

they+killed+mama+bear+_c0333cbee5ec55a7f0531f603ee0902f

(shhhoooot, dat be right!!)

Marriage changes everything…at least it did for me. I used to be a city girl, i wanted to live in the heart of the downtown noise and chaos. Now, i just want a quiet country home in the south where we can raise our kids with lots of land and animals and family. Funny, huh? Also, once we got married i became a lot more jealous of his past ex’s…it really never was an issue to me when we were dating, but i swear the day i said “i do” i became a fierce bear cat. I literally growl when they are mentioned lol…i’m a bit of batty case i admit (but so is he and that’s why we love each other). Oh, i tell you, you will hate and want every person your spouse had ever even made eyes with to be eaten by a pack of zombie wolves.

WERE_ZOMBIE_by_Hartman_by_sideshowmonkey

(Rawwwwwrrrrr, i eat trollops for dinner!!! Nomm nom nommm)

Marriage changes you!

Marriage has brought out the very good and the very ugly in me. And i am better for it. This new gal has a more tender and soft heart…one that aches to just give others as much love and grace as i have received from my Lord and my love. This heart wants a huge house of kids and pets and big family holidays. I could care less about city life and nights on the town. That’s all good and fine and i like it as long as i am with my hubby, but my priorities have shifted. These days i want to focus on learning how to be the wife and mother God wants me to be for my husband and our future little ones. I want to grow and become a more God centered women, I know i have a long way to go and some days a fail so horribly that i feel like i may never be there, but that is what is so awesome about the love of God and your husband…there is forgiveness and grace, sweet grace and love to fall back on.

So, i guess this is all to say i love being a married women, and not only that, but a woman married to my husband 🙂 It is a huge change and adjustment, and i’m not saying that i have given up things i want…i still want to bake and have some city night life times. I am still me with all my crazy, batty oddness but now i just have someone to love me at the most batty of times and live our oddness out side by side serving our Lord as we grow old. Amazing isn’t? Yes, it totally awesomely is 🙂

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~ Cecily

Our Home – A Testament to God’s Grace

We’ve lived in our little house for about 9 months now. Before that we spent the first year together living with Chason’s sweet parents. Why? Well, because Chason and i decided that we couldn’t stand one more day living states away from each other so we eloped and decided to figure out the living situation later.  We looked at homes and land and decided to choose the land and build there. However, we sorta rushed that decision and it turned that it would cost a lot to really get it livable (had to put a driveway and other pricey stuff), so we moved in with the parents for a while. Honestly, i know living with your in-laws sounds not very fun, but i really enjoyed our time there. It gave me the chance to really get to know and get comfortable fast with Chason’s parents, a thing that would have taken longer if we lived somewhere else. It was a blessing and i am so grateful to my in-laws for letting us stay!

So, a little back story. Chason has a home he built when he was 18 on land his parents gave him. However, because he was divorced before we married he moved out and rented it to a couple.  Fast forward to December of last year, the renters lease was up. So, with lots of thought, prayer and talking we decided to move into his old house and make it our home.

This was no easy decision for either of us, Chason had to deal with hurt that happened there, and i had to deal with, well, the past that happened there. Honestly, the first time he took me to see the house i wanted to run out crying. Not because i didn’t like it, it was great and the kitchen is just what i always wanted, but because in every room i walked through i saw him with another. And that my friends, hurts like hell! I was terrified of living in shadows of his past marriage and i was worried it would bring back old memories and hurts for him. It was scary.

That day we went out to dinner. Both of us felt down and scared and needed to get out. Over dinner we talked about our fears of moving in the house. The walk through had depressed us both and we didn’t know if we should move in. I was then reminded of God’s grace, and how my life as well as Chason’s is a testament to it, and because of that i am always talking about how amazing the grace of God is. I will tell anyone that i believe that God makes all things new. But, if i truly believed that, i mean truly, then why was i scared to move in the house? I can’t say i believe something and then when the time comes for me to put my money where my mouth is back out out because of fear.

So, we talked. And talked. And debated and weighed our options and in the end decided to trust God and make this house our home.

After a little remodeling Chason and i moved in a few days after Christmas…and you know what?

God made it new.

Once we moved in there was no weirdness, no thoughts of the past. I didn’t see him with anyone else when i walked in the rooms. I just saw how blessed we  were to have a home. A home that my husband before we met and when he was 18 and i was 13, built and his grandpa helped him install his kitchen cabinets.

Before we moved in i would talk walks around the house and pray over it. Pray that God would bless this decision and that He would take away the past and make all things new for us in this house. And He did.

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(Before our new floors were put in Chason and i wrote scriptures on our floors boards. These are just two of the ones we wrote)

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I’m not saying that there haven’t been hard moments, that i sometimes don’t think of this homes past or that when mail comes for an ex i don’t want to punch the post man and rip up the letter into tiny pieces (yes, I’ve done that…not the punching the mail man, just the tearing up in tiny pieces and burying it in the garbage…you know you’d do the same) but there have been so many more good moments than bad. This is were Chason and i cook meals together, laugh, play games, talk….this is where we had our first Christmas tree and will be home to many holiday celebrations. I am so thankful for this home of ours, so blessed to have a home and roof over our heads. I love our yard and the moss and mushrooms that grow there and i love my kitchen where i have so much space to bake my heart out. I always dreamed of being a wife, taking care of my own home…cooking dinner, doing laundry, cleaning and decorating, putting up family photos on the wall. And now i have it. God is so good my friends! He is so generous and kind and full of grace!

This is truly our home. And it is truly a testament to the grace of God and His amazing and beautiful ability to make all things new.

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“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” – Isaiah 43:19

“And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.” – Revelations 21:5 

~Cecily