Thoughts on 2018….

With a day left of this “year” of 2018 i am trying to processes what all has happened in the past 364 days. Really A LOT has happened. Good and bad. Great and complicated.

I’d love to say this year was filled with only adventures and fun (and it really was filled with a ton of those things)…but most honestly, it was filled with lessons..lessons i am just beginning to understand…and even comprehend.

This may not be a blog or anything of the sort….maybe it’s just my soul aching to get out.

I really don’t have much to say other than i am weak and i am tired. I have had to do a lot of letting go. And it honestly sucks.

I suck at letting go. It’s always been  it’s a thing of mine: Holding on when it it the time to let go. I have what you may call a “stubborn heart”. It’s my best and worst quality.

But I have the option of looking at things as what didn’t turn out and what did.

I have the choice to see the beauty in these 364 days and also see the sadness and then i have the biggest choice – to choose JOY and THANKFULNESS for it ALL. The Great and the Bad. The things where my soul soared and the things that made my soul ache. I can choose to see it all as grace and part of this journey and story God has for me and is telling through me.

“I’m singing this one like a broken piece of glass
For broken hearts and broken noses in the back
Is this the New Year or just another desperation?” – Switchfoot, “The Blues”

I think the New Year is part mourning and part celebrating – Mourning the things that did not come and the things that are over. And celebrating the things that did come and the things to come. The New Year is a mixed bag. Hope and desperation. Longing and fulfillment. Change and the same. Acceptance and perseverance.

This is where my heart is at – Somewhere in this beautiful, confusing in-between of joy and mourning. But AH! (#lightbulb) the bible says that Joy comes in the morning. Just a thought, but maybe it also means in the mourning…? This is something i do not know and certainly don’t take it from me, but i think it can have both meanings.

Why am i talking about mourning? Well, that is a loaded question but more it’s because a chapter in life is closing. 2018, a long yet incredibly fast chapter is closing and i have very mixed feelings about that.

See, i am scared of the New Year. Scared it won’t bring what i want. Scared i will fall. I’m also hopeful, hopeful it will bring beauty. Hope. New adventures.

My grandpa always loved to play Auld Lang Syne on NYE – A bittersweet tune and ache for all that has happened and all that will. New Year is bittersweet. It’s one of my favorite times, but it is mixed.

This year i have celebrated 7 years with my husband, visited with my family, had countless laughs and good times with my loved ones and even flew in a hot air balloon over Napa Valley. I celebrated 29 years on this earth with ones i hold dear (some were missing but they were in my heart, as always and forever and ever). I have beautiful memories of this year. But also, i worked a lot. I stressed a lot. I had a lot of panic attacks (which i am not ashamed to say i have). I have fought God, yelled at him (and others, sorry!), cried before God, worshiped before God and danced with joy and in prayer.

This is all part of the journey, a journey that spans a lifetime and will continue through 2019 and until God takes me Home.

I am sad to see this year go because of the sadness and the beauty and i am happy and scared to see it go because of the same.

All that to say, The New Year is/can be hard. Maybe it’s just me and my over thinking (another of my best and worst qualities) but i think in some way we all feel this…maybe not every year, maybe not everyone. But i know for a fact there are others out there who feel the same sadness/hope i feel on this last day of the chapter 2018.

So, if you do let me say this: I am WITH YOU. I feel you. Let’s hope for each other, okay? Me for you and you for me? We can do this. In all the anxiety i have the ONE AND ONLY TRUTH i know is that God makes ALL THINGS NEW. So we can count on NEW. 2019 may be one of struggle, but i guarantee you it will also be one of NEW and will hold BEAUTIFUL moments.

Because THERE IS HOPE. THERE IS HOPE my dear ones. We don’t have to live the same story. We have a whole new one ready to be written. So wait dear ones, wait. Hope is coming for you and me. Hope has already come for us in the form of a King come down to earth to be born in the humbleness of a manger to grow up to live for us, love us, teach us and die and rise again for US. My hope for all of us this year is that we can feel and live this love. And live it to the fullness. Maybe you you not where you want to be or where you thought you would be by now, but my dear, there is hope to be there. IF we LET ourselves get there.

So cheers! Cheers to the good and cheers to the bad. Cheers to what has been and cheers to what is to come. May we use this next 365 days wisely, with love, kindness, patience and an open, giving, loving heart.


Goodbye 2018, hello 2019 may you be a blessed year.


Love and blessings,


“And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” –Revelation 21:5


2017 – What Is Left

It seems like i only get the time to blog right before the New Year. But this blog will be a little different than all the others.

Today is December 30th. There is only a day and a half left of 2017. I can’t put into words the relief and sadness that makes me feel. 2017 was by far the most rushed and surprising year for me. The first half of the year was running. The second half was more like limping, and at times crawling. Though there were many bright spots (mainly in the shape of the wonderful people in my life) there were also many dark spots.

I could very easily say “screw you 2017” as the clock strikes midnight tomorrow (and i’m sure i will in some way) but instead of writing about that here i am choosing to write some other thoughts i have about this year…

2017 taught me a lot of lessons but the biggest one of all was trust. I talk a lot about trust…i’m sure if you go back through all of my blogs (this one and all the many others i have had through the years) you will find that word a lot. But that is the thing; I have always talked about trust, trying to practice it, but I never really REALLY HAD TO. I’ve trusted God all my life with little and seemingly big things (some of them were bigger than others) but this year I HAD TO TRUST. There was no other option. No other way to do life. One of my favorite quotes is by Brennan Manning when he says “When all else is unclear, the heart of trust says, as Jesus did on the cross; ‘Into Your hands I commit my spirit’.” There were many moments this year where i have had to practice that but one in particular stands out. I had the choice to trust God or trust my circumstances. I chose God. And it was and is the best decision i made and am still making everyday. Because God knows more than we do. God sees and knows where He is taking us. It may not be the road you’d choose to walk or one you never thought you’d have to but He knows and He SEES YOU. Nothing can touch us without passing through His hands first.

When life is hard and uncertain trust is all there is. There is no mask, there is no clear view. There is only saying to God “in Your hands i commit my spirit”. And then saying that over and over, day after day, second after second when the fear and anxiety starts to take hold and it is all you can do to breathe. “God, into Your hands i commit my spirit”.

There have been very few moments in my life where i have audibly “heard” God speak to me…though He speaks through His scripture all of the time, this time was different. I was having a major anxiety attack (for those of you who deal with anxiety attacks you know what i am talking about, but for those of you who haven’t experienced them let me just say they SUCK and feel like you can’t breathe) after a long month and i just crumbled. At that moment, in my questioning state, God spoke to my spirit with just two firm words; “TRUST ME.”. That was it. TRUST ME. The words were firm and stern and deep within my soul. I could feel them and hear them. At that point i said the only thing anyone could say “Okay.”. And i dried my tears and went on with my day.

Trust is a daly choice and one that didn’t just get easier for me. But i am trying. In the bible in Rev. 21:5 God states “I make all things new. Write, for these words are trustworthy and true.”. God can’t lie, so trust leads me to believe that if i stand firm and have faith and trust in God when all i know is falling, then He will indeed make all things new…maybe not when i want them or how i would have them but He is faithful in every season. And for everything there is a season…

Which leads me to the next lesson, God IS FAITHFUL. His love is strong. Stronger than anything. 2017 has had it’s many trails but it’s done me the best favor; it’s led me into a deeper relationship with God. In the trails 2017 bought it revealed a deeper side to God’s strong, unending love that carries us when we can’t stand. And that is PRICELESS. I don’t know what i would do without that love…it brings joy in the pain. It’s a pillow to the restless. It’s a safety net to the falling. And it makes no sense how you can be joyful when in so much pain but the love of God makes it possible.

There are many things i could say about what this year has taught but those are thoughts for another time and blog. In closing i want to pose this question:

What should we say to 2017? After a hard year what do we say? What do we say to what is left? What do we say at midnight when we are pouring the champagne and clinking glasses? I am wresting with this question today.



Maybe it’s not saying “screw you” like i suggested before. Maybe it’s not “goodbye”. But maybe it’s holding our heads up and saying “thank you”…through clinched fists and strained voices, with all the strength of our soul and a deep breathe; “thank you.” Thank you that i am alive. Thank you that i am still here breathing because that means there is still a chance. A chance for hope. A chance for joy. A chance for healing. A chance for New.

I think it takes true strength to say thank you to what has broken you. And by “broken” please don’t get me wrong, i mean broken in the best sense. It can be a beautiful, albeit incredibly bittersweet, to be broken. Because then we have the chance to be made new. Jesus’ was broken for us and look at what amazing beauty came of that.

So wherever you are, wherever 2017 finds you i pray we find the strength to say our parting words to the year not in bitterness but in hope. I know it’s tough. I know it may be gut wrenchingly hard. But i pray that you can see how much God loves you and that deep in your soul you will feel and know that He makes all things new. He IS faithful. In every season, in the joy and in the pain, God IS FAITHFUL.

I am not the same person i was on Jan. 1st 2017. And, no matter how hard the changing was, i like the new me.

Happy New Year my dear, beautiful, loving friends. I am TRULY thankful for you all and I pray blessings over your 2018, my God make it new and beautiful.


“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33

“And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” – Rev. 21:5

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?

I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.

He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-11



Snap Shots – 2014 in Review

Often times we tend to forget what a year holds. The moments that were created and the blessings that were given. The days, both ordinary and special, that have passed. This is my way of remembering the highlights of 2014. Feel free to share yours 🙂


We had a New Year/Christmas celebration on New Years day because Nikki and Nigel were in England for Christmas visiting Nigel’s family for the holiday.




A couple weeks later it snowed and we had lots and lots of fun!!!





After that Nikki had her dissertation defense and was named “Dr. Nikki Sawyer and we are all super proud of her!!



Chason took me out for a beautiful Valentines Day at the Shakespeare Tavern for Romeo and Juliet with dinner and roses at a beautiful table right in the front row. I felt so happy and special!!





We had a blast eating and gallivanting around Ren Fest! It has become one of my favorite times of year 🙂




Chason turned the big 3.0!!!


We celebrated with movies, Outback and a big dinner with friends and family at Fogo de Chao!



Somewhere in there we went to see Augustana and Twin Forks play in ATL…it was such a fun and happy night!!!



Sandy and Nikki and i started painting! It all started with a paint day in Decatur and then we did a few more and now we have a paint day once a month at Sandy’s house! I love it!!







My family came to visit us in GA and we ate lots of ice cream and had lots and lots of coffee!




Nikki graduated!!! 😀




We took a Wetter family vacation to Alaska for Nikki’s graduation and i celebrated my 25th birthday on a train and on a ship!









We then had a lovely and fun summer which included lots of swimming, grilling, me visiting my family in Texas, 4th of July celebration and a visit to Cape San Blas 🙂











We also got kittens this summer!!! Zettatera Bite and Munch Munch cheesy poof! They are the sweetest! ❤






And got to seeMerriment and Sucre rock ATL with their angelic voices and get to meet Christi!! It was a beautiful night!! ❤





That brings us to Fall when we had fun times with Chason’s friends at a fest in town and celebrated our 3rd (eppp!!!) wedding anniversary! Along with all of that we had a little family Halloween gathering and i rode my first ferris wheel at the county fair 🙂











Thanksgiving was beautiful with lots of family and Chason’s uncle coming from MO! I love them! Sandy had a full house and we all had a blast!











In December we got to visit my family in Texas for a week and celebrate Christmas was short but we always have a wonderful happy time when together! We also visited Round Top and shopped at Junk Gypsy and ate pie and drank coffee at Pie Haven…soooo yummy!!!










Christmas Day was spent with Chason’s family at our home. I loved hosting Christmas and even channeled my inner Martha and folded napkins like Christmas trees! Chason got me some beautiful necklaces and earrings as well as my dream Kitchen Aid Mixer!!!! I still can’t believe i have one!!!! It was a fun holiday with sweet family and i loved it 🙂











And that brings use to today – New Years Eve. As i look back at the photos from this year i realize just how fun, adventures and sweet it has been. I saw breath taking beauty in Alaska that shouted God’s praise and glory and power. We celebrated big birthdays and had such fun times with friends and family. It has been wonderful and blessed. But, don’t look at these photos and let them fool you – It has also been a hard year. It’s been a year of countless hours of work for my husband and growth for me. 2014 has been filled with lessons and trails that have tested us. But God, like always, has been faithful. So faithful. He has provided grace in moments of desperation and hope and peace in times of exhaustion. I have been blessed with sweet people and love and grace this year. And i am stronger and my heart and faith are stronger for it.  I am so beyond blessed to have my best friend as my husband to be my partner through this crazy journey. I love him so much and this year has shown me how much i know that God has a plan for us. I wouldn’t want to be on the ride with anyone else in the world.

So 2015 here is to you. May you grow us all and show us the love that Christ has for us all through your many days and months of both trial and blessing. And to my dear ones, i pray grace and peace and blessing to you all. Cheers my dear ones, let’s all live this new chapter with expectant joy and wide open hearts and eyes.