Thoughts On Time and Places….

So i turn 28 on Sunday…ekk weird huh? Two years until 30 (whoa!). I’ve been in a sort of weird place as of late with the getting older and the various work stress, life stress and my overall issues. I have not been handling these stresses the best. I’ve been trying by hardest to let God take my burdens and surrender my worries to Him…but that is so easier than said and as much as i desire it it seems so very away sometimes.

I had hoped to “have it all together” at this point (HA!!). Or even have it semi-all together. But have i come to realize that that is just not me – not my life plan. I am that “hot mess” gal that you see who is just trying her best to love others and love Jesus and keep her clients and companies happy all the while doing her best to be a great wife and friend, daughter and sister and have that rockin’ cat eye on point (yall know i love my eyeliner!). I fall short (pun intended…ya know, because i am short..get it?) most of the time.

But here i am, confused, tired, excited and so many other things And really in need of some time away. Time to un-plug, time to read, write, listen, eat, swim,explore, to find myself again. .And cry. Because sometimes you just need some time to cry for what has been and what will be.

With all that being said, i have begun to write a list of things i feel are important to remember and do as well i things a few things i have learned in these 28 years. Cheers!

1. Dream

This 28th year of my life is really want to restart dreaming. And i don’t just mean dream – I mean dreaming in the power of Jesus. Praying and dreaming with hope to bring glory to His name and love, help and connect others to His love and healing. I have always had this feeling, and it is growing stronger by the day,  that there is something God wants me to do with this messy, batty heart and story of mine….i don’t what that is but i feel like He is putting new thoughts, dreams, hopes and ideas in my heart and  i am excited to find the out and what He wants me to do with them. Life gets in the way of dreaming sometimes…the list of things clients need, laundry that has to be done, dinner that has to be cooked and cleaned and so on and so on but dreaming is important and 28 will be my dreaming year. So Cheers!

2. Explore

While i LOVE exploring this big ol’ world and want to do more of it in this list item i am talking about exploring who you are, who i am. It does go with #1 but comes with a whole new set of emotional baggage but is worth it i believe. Again i repeat life gets in the way too often and with responsibilities (What’s that?….*shout out to all the MXPX fans who actually get that reference…if you don’t we can’t be friends…lol i’m just kidding, look it up and then we can be friends)

3. Create

While my job requires me to be creative on a day-to-day basis i have found that i NEED a creative outlet outside of my work – Writing is one of those outlets, baking is too, along with painting which i have taken up with my mom in-law and sis in-law in recent years. This year i really want to take more time to create in many different forms – Painting, writing, baking, crafting and finally learning and finishing those crochet and cross stitch projects i started 3 years ago but got too busy to complete. And anything else God puts on my heart. This year, i pray, will be a year of creation

4. Laugh

I am a big fan of laughter…if you know me at all you know i laugh a lot…and usually at the most random and inappropriate times (thankfully my husband is the same so we get each other lol). I feel laughter can get you through the most messed up times…even if the only thing to laugh at is how messed up the situation is it does help. So want to always remember to laugh….laugh is the good times, in the awkward times and in the “i have no idea how i am going to do this/get through this/what is going to happen times. Oh, and you don’t already have some find some crazy friends who will laugh with you at all of these things and even crazier things because that really helps your heart too (it really helps mine <3)

5. Remember it WILL all be okay

This is one i am having to remind myself as of late. And as i write this it is hard for me….but i know IT IS TRUE. Things ache and life can get very, very stressful and frustrating but it really will be okay. I have gone through some dark times in my life, times of confusion, depression and many other various situations where it seems so hopeless…but guess what? HOPE FOUND ME. As it always does and always will – but you have to let it in. Don’t give yourself away to despair –  hope and joy are ready to hold you. So let it hold you. Let God hold you

Also, i want to remember where i have been, what i have prayed for, and how God has moved and answered me. This is very important in life. Keeping a prayer journal helps so you can record your prayers and ways God has answered…i’ve not been very good at keeping up with that but i would like to do so this year.

6.Breathe

This year i want to take more time to breathe. To step back from everyday life/stress/work and take care of myself. My heart, mind, body and soul. Whether that comes in the form of creating or praying or just taking longer walks in the woods my heart, every heart, needs that time to reconnect with one’s self and with God. I love nature, i love walking and exploring the woods on our land finding new plants and creeks and breathing in the fresh air while the sun kisses my skin. I will do more of that this year. I will take more time to lay on the grass and stare at the clouds and stairs and let my heart be made new by its beauty.

7. Surrender

Ah surrender, you funny friend…always so easy to invite in, so hard to let stay. But in the end so beautiful to commune with. Surrender is easier said than done, and believe me on most days it is a power struggle but i know, i KNOW, from experience it is the ONLY way. I look back on my life to when i have FULLY surrendered to God, like EVERYTHING…relationships, mind, body, circumstances and i see His fingerprints so clearly it’s almost too crazy…but it’s not

8. Trust

I don’t do well with trust…even though i desire it it is so hard for me. Even though time and time and time again God had proven He WILL provided exceedingly more than i could ask in times of trouble i turn to doubt. This is silly. As i know, I HAVE SEEN God work in my life and the lives other others. I wants so desperately to be like Jesus on the cross and say “Into Your hands i commit my spirit”

The song “It Is Well” by Bethel Music describes my prayer for this year of my life “So let go my soul and trust in Him The waves and wind still know His name”

Trusting in God’s time, plan, path and will can be so hard, but dear heart listen when i say this (to me as much as you reading) it IS AND WILL BE WORTH IT.

So, those are my 8 things i want to do in my 28th year on this big ‘ol beautiful, crazy world. I would love to hear what things you are hoping to make time for this year if you feel so inclined to share 🙂

In closing, i want to give a big shout out and thanks to those wonderful people who put up with me for my whole life and every day – I know i can be a lot to deal with sometimes lol but ya’ll keep this heart of mine happy and full. I am SO crazy thankful for the people in my life; my family on both sides, my husband and my sweet friends, thank you all for loving me and always being there to listen, pray and share life with me.

Cheers 28, my eyes and heart are wide open waiting to see what you have in store ❤

-CW

Identity

I’ve been married for 2 1/2 years now. When i first got hitched i was 22 and had never been on my own before…i was timid and very unsure. The smallest tasks like cooking for my husband or cleaning were hard for me because i felt so new to it all and nervous. Now 2 1/2 years in i feel like i have finally come into my identity as a wife and a woman.

I feel like now i have a handle on most things. Cooking is fun and so easy for me now and i feel like i really own my kitchen. I’ve always loved to be in the kitchen and feeling in charge and free to create is so awesome. I love how things just come so naturally to me now…cleaning and taking care of my husband and family and friends. My full self as a woman has really come to the surface in the last year and i don’t feel nervous or unsure anymore. I feel like marriage fits me well and that i was created to serve in this way.

So many things have had to be dealt with though to get to this point. Lots of insecurities had to be laid down and gotten over. I had to learn not to be afraid to fail and to be vulnerable. Insecurities will take you over if you let them i can tell you that for sure. If i’ve learned anything in these almost 3 years it’s that you have to own your life. You have the power to either curl up and hide or to stand up and take charge  and know you are capable.

It was hard being on my own for the first time, being in my first year of marriage and being so far away from family all at the same time. But it really stretched and grew me and now i feel like i’m seeing the benefits.

I’m so happy with the person i am now and who i am growing into. God has been so good with me. He’s always teaching me and correcting me with so much grace and love and i am so thankful. ❤

 

~Cecily

 

Seasons and Lessons

So, as i sit here trying to catch my blog up on all my thoughts my husband is on a business call teaching a friend and i’m trying to decide if i should blog, finish up work or workout…blogging won.

Lately i feel like I’ve been on a life lesson journey (then again, when are we not?) . Some haven’t been easy but they all have proven to me how much i don’t know and how much i want to learn.

Lesson 1. Open your heart. Be honest.

This one has always been hard for me. Being vulnerable with people is not easy in any respect let alone for a person as awkward as i am. But I’ve realized how are people supposed to know me and how i feel if i never tell them? I think sometimes we expect that others should just “know” for one reason or another. But alas, people cannot read minds (unless you can. And in that case we should be friends). I’ve gone around for so long expecting others to do what i felt i couldn’t/shouldn’t/didn’t want to. It didn’t work. I had built up feelings (and reoccurring dreams).

So, one night i just bit the bullet and said what was on my heart. And you know, i got mixed responses but that’s okay. I prayed for God’s favor in the situation. I did what was on my spirit. And i say “spirit” because i believe you should do everything with the help of the Holy Spirit and His guidance as opposed to the popular belief of “going with your heart”, which according to Jeremiah 17:9 “is deceitful above all things”. I’m liking the new honest, open hearted me, no matter the response because i know i am being true.

Lesson 2 – Life is about progression,seasons and movement. And it can be beautiful.

I think this had been the hardest for me. Since moving from my home state of Texas to my new home in GA i’ve really had to accept that a lot of life is about change. But as of late i’m starting to learn not just “acceptance” but beauty in the progression of my ever changing life seasons.

Call me a hippie but i firmly believe that we move with the seasons…Summer is playful, Fall is introspective, Winter is mournful and full of letting go. And Spring, Spring is for new, beautiful birth.

Maybe it’s just me, but  my life tends to follow the seasons.

The difference is, we may not always get the same season back. And that is okay. I’m learning to be thankful for the seasons i had. And learning that maybe that was all they were supposed to be, just seasons. And that’s not to be little them, because seasons are part of us, but some we just have to let go and say “blessed was this, oh Lord! Thank you.” and burn it down and walk away. Walk away thankful with a full, learning heart into the new chapter.

Lesson 3 – Marriage is the hardest, most Christ-like thing you will do. But it is all beautiful worth it.

I’ve been married a little over 2 years (2 years and 4 months to be exact lol) and i have to say i never thought i could grow so much in so short of time! Marriage stretches you. It pulls you away from the selfish. It sharpens you.

My husband is an incredible man and on a daily basis i can’t believe that i get the blessing of being his wife! But no marriage is perfect. And i don’t think it was ever meant to be. I think marriage is meant to grow us into the loving and graceful people God created us to be. And that isn’t going to be a smooth ride (at least for me…i’m a stubborn one!).

I guess i’ve been learning that no matter the hardship of putting yourself last you will find more beauty in it than any selfish action could ever provide. I look at my role as a wife as my calling. And i take my calling very seriously. My duty to my God is to first honor Him and second to honor my husband. I’ve realized more and more how hard this is when your wants sometimes differ with your husbands. But i am called to submit to him…not controlling “do what i say” submit. It’s a holy and beautiful submission to my husband knowing that God put him as the head of our home.

I think submission in the biblical sense is a way of teaching us to lay down our lives for others. My marriage encourages me everyday to become more and more the woman that God created me to be. It’s grown my heart and soul in more ways than i can say and i can’t wait to see how much more i learn in the future.

 

This is just some of what has been on my heart as of late. I feel God wanting to grow me in this season and i hope i can lay down my will enough to keep finding out what all the seasons and the lessons they bring mean for my future.

 

Cheers, Cecily

Housewife Dreams

Some people in their early twenties desire to purse a career,go dancing on the town with their friends etc…i on the other hand just wanted to be married. Married and have my own little baking biz on the side but marriage was the first thing always on my mind.

I can’t really tell you why. From the age of 16 through 19 i wanted nothing to do with marriage. It just seemed like death to put it bluntly. I was very angry back then at a lot of things and kept it all inside. That is until the moment in my life came where i let God take it all away, all the pain anger and fear. I let Him open my heart and i let love in.

Ever since then, He has changed my heart toward love and marriage and it was the thing i wanted most. I used to have the fear that i wouldn’t get married until my forties and i’d have to wear a pant suite like Hilary Clinton’s.  Now being that i married at 22 i find that fear funny, but back then…let’s just say it was very real :0

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(yikes!!!)

I’ve been thinking about why i want to be a wife and why i want to be a good and virtuous one.

Proverbs 31:10-12 says

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. 

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. 

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”

When i read that my heart just leaps – I want my price to be far above rubies! I want my husband to safely trust me and i want to do him good all his life! I want to a  virtuous and Godly wife to my husband, not only because i love him, but because God calls me to as well.

Thankfully, i have many good example of Godly women to look up to, my mom being the first, as well as family and friends,

I guess i have realized that i don’t see marriage being entered into just because you love someone, i see it as a blessing of responsibility, trust, love. I see it as a calling. My calling as a wife is to love and honor my husband and bring him good. My calling, as a Christian wife, is to be an example for God’s love and grace to my husband. I see this as both beautiful and full of weight. I don’t take being a wife lightly. Yes, love is so fun and wonderful and full of happy sweet moments, but the act of entering a marriage union with someone is so much more and far greater than that.

Chason and i have always had a very deep relationship…probably because we connected with each others hurt and pains of life. Because of this i feel very compelled to protect his heart and emotions…not saying i always do a good job (pms makes me a witch), but his heart is very special to me and i tend to feel like a momma bear when someone/something hurts him.  And i know he is the same with me (i’ve seen it 🙂 So, yes marriage is fun, but it is also a huge responsibility, And every day i am honored and blessed and in awe that it has been given to me.

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(shhhoooot, dat be right!!)

Marriage changes everything…at least it did for me. I used to be a city girl, i wanted to live in the heart of the downtown noise and chaos. Now, i just want a quiet country home in the south where we can raise our kids with lots of land and animals and family. Funny, huh? Also, once we got married i became a lot more jealous of his past ex’s…it really never was an issue to me when we were dating, but i swear the day i said “i do” i became a fierce bear cat. I literally growl when they are mentioned lol…i’m a bit of batty case i admit (but so is he and that’s why we love each other). Oh, i tell you, you will hate and want every person your spouse had ever even made eyes with to be eaten by a pack of zombie wolves.

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(Rawwwwwrrrrr, i eat trollops for dinner!!! Nomm nom nommm)

Marriage changes you!

Marriage has brought out the very good and the very ugly in me. And i am better for it. This new gal has a more tender and soft heart…one that aches to just give others as much love and grace as i have received from my Lord and my love. This heart wants a huge house of kids and pets and big family holidays. I could care less about city life and nights on the town. That’s all good and fine and i like it as long as i am with my hubby, but my priorities have shifted. These days i want to focus on learning how to be the wife and mother God wants me to be for my husband and our future little ones. I want to grow and become a more God centered women, I know i have a long way to go and some days a fail so horribly that i feel like i may never be there, but that is what is so awesome about the love of God and your husband…there is forgiveness and grace, sweet grace and love to fall back on.

So, i guess this is all to say i love being a married women, and not only that, but a woman married to my husband 🙂 It is a huge change and adjustment, and i’m not saying that i have given up things i want…i still want to bake and have some city night life times. I am still me with all my crazy, batty oddness but now i just have someone to love me at the most batty of times and live our oddness out side by side serving our Lord as we grow old. Amazing isn’t? Yes, it totally awesomely is 🙂

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~ Cecily

Our Home – A Testament to God’s Grace

We’ve lived in our little house for about 9 months now. Before that we spent the first year together living with Chason’s sweet parents. Why? Well, because Chason and i decided that we couldn’t stand one more day living states away from each other so we eloped and decided to figure out the living situation later.  We looked at homes and land and decided to choose the land and build there. However, we sorta rushed that decision and it turned that it would cost a lot to really get it livable (had to put a driveway and other pricey stuff), so we moved in with the parents for a while. Honestly, i know living with your in-laws sounds not very fun, but i really enjoyed our time there. It gave me the chance to really get to know and get comfortable fast with Chason’s parents, a thing that would have taken longer if we lived somewhere else. It was a blessing and i am so grateful to my in-laws for letting us stay!

So, a little back story. Chason has a home he built when he was 18 on land his parents gave him. However, because he was divorced before we married he moved out and rented it to a couple.  Fast forward to December of last year, the renters lease was up. So, with lots of thought, prayer and talking we decided to move into his old house and make it our home.

This was no easy decision for either of us, Chason had to deal with hurt that happened there, and i had to deal with, well, the past that happened there. Honestly, the first time he took me to see the house i wanted to run out crying. Not because i didn’t like it, it was great and the kitchen is just what i always wanted, but because in every room i walked through i saw him with another. And that my friends, hurts like hell! I was terrified of living in shadows of his past marriage and i was worried it would bring back old memories and hurts for him. It was scary.

That day we went out to dinner. Both of us felt down and scared and needed to get out. Over dinner we talked about our fears of moving in the house. The walk through had depressed us both and we didn’t know if we should move in. I was then reminded of God’s grace, and how my life as well as Chason’s is a testament to it, and because of that i am always talking about how amazing the grace of God is. I will tell anyone that i believe that God makes all things new. But, if i truly believed that, i mean truly, then why was i scared to move in the house? I can’t say i believe something and then when the time comes for me to put my money where my mouth is back out out because of fear.

So, we talked. And talked. And debated and weighed our options and in the end decided to trust God and make this house our home.

After a little remodeling Chason and i moved in a few days after Christmas…and you know what?

God made it new.

Once we moved in there was no weirdness, no thoughts of the past. I didn’t see him with anyone else when i walked in the rooms. I just saw how blessed we  were to have a home. A home that my husband before we met and when he was 18 and i was 13, built and his grandpa helped him install his kitchen cabinets.

Before we moved in i would talk walks around the house and pray over it. Pray that God would bless this decision and that He would take away the past and make all things new for us in this house. And He did.

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(Before our new floors were put in Chason and i wrote scriptures on our floors boards. These are just two of the ones we wrote)

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I’m not saying that there haven’t been hard moments, that i sometimes don’t think of this homes past or that when mail comes for an ex i don’t want to punch the post man and rip up the letter into tiny pieces (yes, I’ve done that…not the punching the mail man, just the tearing up in tiny pieces and burying it in the garbage…you know you’d do the same) but there have been so many more good moments than bad. This is were Chason and i cook meals together, laugh, play games, talk….this is where we had our first Christmas tree and will be home to many holiday celebrations. I am so thankful for this home of ours, so blessed to have a home and roof over our heads. I love our yard and the moss and mushrooms that grow there and i love my kitchen where i have so much space to bake my heart out. I always dreamed of being a wife, taking care of my own home…cooking dinner, doing laundry, cleaning and decorating, putting up family photos on the wall. And now i have it. God is so good my friends! He is so generous and kind and full of grace!

This is truly our home. And it is truly a testament to the grace of God and His amazing and beautiful ability to make all things new.

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“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” – Isaiah 43:19

“And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.” – Revelations 21:5 

~Cecily

Just Being Honest – Marriage, God and Hosea’s Wife

I’ve been going through the Wife After God devotional as well as reading blogs from other Christian wives for the past week or so. I’m trying to surround my self with good examples and encouragement from women with the same Godly goals for life and marriage.

It has been a blessing to say the least.

I’ve been thinking about Gods divine plan and purpose for life and marriage, as well as the story of Hosea and his wife and how it all relates to my life.

If you have spoken to me in the past 8 months you have probably heard how Chason and I have had a crazy stress filled work year. Our calendar has been full with big projects that demand all our time,energy and sanity. All this to say that our personal lives and marriage have really been out on the back burner. Though not by choice, it has taken a toll on us both.

My husband is the hardest working person I know and I respect him so deeply. He is smart and creative and just the best person you will ever work with. He sacrifices himself everyday for our little budding family. But, the down side is he doesn’t always have the time to spend with me. You know, that deep just you and me indulging in each other time.

I miss that

And I have been feeling pretty down and lonely because if it.

I miss that emotional intimacy we have always had. I miss just spending time talking and sharing thoughts and ideas and stories like we used to. I miss him.

And then I got to thinking about God. And my relationship with Him. The bible says that our God is a jealous God…no, He doesn’t want your iPhone or your “success”. He wants your love and time. Just like you want your spouses.

God designed the marriage relationship to reflect His love for us. So wouldn’t it make sense that when we neglect to spend time growing and nurturing our relationship with Him that He would feel as hurt as we do when our spouse doesn’t?

Wouldn’t it make sense that God misses just talking and spending time with us, that he misses intimacy too?

This hit me today. I have been relying so much in being intimately fulfilled by Chason and not so much by my Creator. Chason is amazing but he is not perfect and will fail sometimes but God will not. I can’t base my security solely on my husband. That us not fair to either of us. There will always be a hole in me only my God can fill.

Maybe God has let this lack of time with my husband happen in order to get my attention and make me see that He misses me and I need Him.

A blog by Mandy at Biblical Homemaking really touched my soul. She was talking about Hosea and how his wife Gomer went back to her old life of, well, Whoredom as the bible calls it, after she had Hosea’s children. I thought of myself then. God gave me this huge blessing of being a wife and i turned around and forgot Him and in the process clung to my old vices when things got hard.

I think this season with all it’s business and stress is here to teach me a lesson if i let it – No one can take the place of your Lord and Savior and love you as perfectly and unconditionally as God does, not even your spouse.  As women of God who are now wives we must make the time to be in God’s Word daily and find approval and intimacy in Him, if not we risk putting a burden on our spouse which, even if he wanted to, he cannot fulfill.

~ Cecily

I am a Georgia Peach

I’ve lived in Georgia for about a year and a half now. “Officially” i moved here in March 2012…but unofficially I’ve been in the peach state since that January.

The adjustment to not only a new state but marriage life all happened at the same time and it’s safe to say i had a very hard time getting used to it all. However, i did and am now loving this new life I’ve been blessed with!

I think my favorite thing about Georgia (other than my hubby…and the sweet tea) are the beautiful landscapes and abundant presence of huge green trees and wonderful woodland areas. I’ve always dreamed of my own little fairyland with woodland creatures, moss and mushrooms…and now i have it.

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At any random moment a family of deer, chipmunks or bunnies can pass you by making you feel like you live in Snow White’s forest. And i love it (my garden on the other hand does not lol).

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Another thing i love is being able to take long walks in the woods behind our home and around the lake down the street. I feel like i have become so much more aware of nature and the beauty around me since i moved here. I enjoy being outdoors much more than inside these days.

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There’s a little undeveloped subdivision behind our woods that my husband and i walk with a small lake, peach trees and beautiful pink thistle. I enjoy taking slow walks and reflecting there.

 

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The fall season here is the prettiest I’ve ever seen. Orange and red leaves cover the ground and cool breezes kiss your checks.

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And the spring is green and full of blooming flowers – A far cry from the TX coast where i grew up.

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All this to say, i was wrong when i said Texas was were i always wanted to live. While i’ll always love my original home state and miss it like crazy, i really do enjoy having such a pretty new place to discover and make my own. Georgia is home now…i am a Texas Bluebonnet who has started growing into a Georgia Peach…who would have thought 🙂

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~Cecily