So i turn 28 on Sunday…ekk weird huh? Two years until 30 (whoa!). I’ve been in a sort of weird place as of late with the getting older and the various work stress, life stress and my overall issues. I have not been handling these stresses the best. I’ve been trying by hardest to let God take my burdens and surrender my worries to Him…but that is so easier than said and as much as i desire it it seems so very away sometimes.
I had hoped to “have it all together” at this point (HA!!). Or even have it semi-all together. But have i come to realize that that is just not me – not my life plan. I am that “hot mess” gal that you see who is just trying her best to love others and love Jesus and keep her clients and companies happy all the while doing her best to be a great wife and friend, daughter and sister and have that rockin’ cat eye on point (yall know i love my eyeliner!). I fall short (pun intended…ya know, because i am short..get it?) most of the time.
But here i am, confused, tired, excited and so many other things And really in need of some time away. Time to un-plug, time to read, write, listen, eat, swim,explore, to find myself again. .And cry. Because sometimes you just need some time to cry for what has been and what will be.
With all that being said, i have begun to write a list of things i feel are important to remember and do as well i things a few things i have learned in these 28 years. Cheers!
This 28th year of my life is really want to restart dreaming. And i don’t just mean dream – I mean dreaming in the power of Jesus. Praying and dreaming with hope to bring glory to His name and love, help and connect others to His love and healing. I have always had this feeling, and it is growing stronger by the day, that there is something God wants me to do with this messy, batty heart and story of mine….i don’t what that is but i feel like He is putting new thoughts, dreams, hopes and ideas in my heart and i am excited to find the out and what He wants me to do with them. Life gets in the way of dreaming sometimes…the list of things clients need, laundry that has to be done, dinner that has to be cooked and cleaned and so on and so on but dreaming is important and 28 will be my dreaming year. So Cheers!
While i LOVE exploring this big ol’ world and want to do more of it in this list item i am talking about exploring who you are, who i am. It does go with #1 but comes with a whole new set of emotional baggage but is worth it i believe. Again i repeat life gets in the way too often and with responsibilities (What’s that?….*shout out to all the MXPX fans who actually get that reference…if you don’t we can’t be friends…lol i’m just kidding, look it up and then we can be friends)
While my job requires me to be creative on a day-to-day basis i have found that i NEED a creative outlet outside of my work – Writing is one of those outlets, baking is too, along with painting which i have taken up with my mom in-law and sis in-law in recent years. This year i really want to take more time to create in many different forms – Painting, writing, baking, crafting and finally learning and finishing those crochet and cross stitch projects i started 3 years ago but got too busy to complete. And anything else God puts on my heart. This year, i pray, will be a year of creation
I am a big fan of laughter…if you know me at all you know i laugh a lot…and usually at the most random and inappropriate times (thankfully my husband is the same so we get each other lol). I feel laughter can get you through the most messed up times…even if the only thing to laugh at is how messed up the situation is it does help. So want to always remember to laugh….laugh is the good times, in the awkward times and in the “i have no idea how i am going to do this/get through this/what is going to happen times. Oh, and you don’t already have some find some crazy friends who will laugh with you at all of these things and even crazier things because that really helps your heart too (it really helps mine <3)
5. Remember it WILL all be okay
This is one i am having to remind myself as of late. And as i write this it is hard for me….but i know IT IS TRUE. Things ache and life can get very, very stressful and frustrating but it really will be okay. I have gone through some dark times in my life, times of confusion, depression and many other various situations where it seems so hopeless…but guess what? HOPE FOUND ME. As it always does and always will – but you have to let it in. Don’t give yourself away to despair – hope and joy are ready to hold you. So let it hold you. Let God hold you
Also, i want to remember where i have been, what i have prayed for, and how God has moved and answered me. This is very important in life. Keeping a prayer journal helps so you can record your prayers and ways God has answered…i’ve not been very good at keeping up with that but i would like to do so this year.
This year i want to take more time to breathe. To step back from everyday life/stress/work and take care of myself. My heart, mind, body and soul. Whether that comes in the form of creating or praying or just taking longer walks in the woods my heart, every heart, needs that time to reconnect with one’s self and with God. I love nature, i love walking and exploring the woods on our land finding new plants and creeks and breathing in the fresh air while the sun kisses my skin. I will do more of that this year. I will take more time to lay on the grass and stare at the clouds and stairs and let my heart be made new by its beauty.
Ah surrender, you funny friend…always so easy to invite in, so hard to let stay. But in the end so beautiful to commune with. Surrender is easier said than done, and believe me on most days it is a power struggle but i know, i KNOW, from experience it is the ONLY way. I look back on my life to when i have FULLY surrendered to God, like EVERYTHING…relationships, mind, body, circumstances and i see His fingerprints so clearly it’s almost too crazy…but it’s not
I don’t do well with trust…even though i desire it it is so hard for me. Even though time and time and time again God had proven He WILL provided exceedingly more than i could ask in times of trouble i turn to doubt. This is silly. As i know, I HAVE SEEN God work in my life and the lives other others. I wants so desperately to be like Jesus on the cross and say “Into Your hands i commit my spirit”
The song “It Is Well” by Bethel Music describes my prayer for this year of my life “So let go my soul and trust in Him The waves and wind still know His name”
Trusting in God’s time, plan, path and will can be so hard, but dear heart listen when i say this (to me as much as you reading) it IS AND WILL BE WORTH IT.
So, those are my 8 things i want to do in my 28th year on this big ‘ol beautiful, crazy world. I would love to hear what things you are hoping to make time for this year if you feel so inclined to share 🙂
In closing, i want to give a big shout out and thanks to those wonderful people who put up with me for my whole life and every day – I know i can be a lot to deal with sometimes lol but ya’ll keep this heart of mine happy and full. I am SO crazy thankful for the people in my life; my family on both sides, my husband and my sweet friends, thank you all for loving me and always being there to listen, pray and share life with me.
Cheers 28, my eyes and heart are wide open waiting to see what you have in store ❤