2017 – What Is Left

It seems like i only get the time to blog right before the New Year. But this blog will be a little different than all the others.

Today is December 30th. There is only a day and a half left of 2017. I can’t put into words the relief and sadness that makes me feel. 2017 was by far the most rushed and surprising year for me. The first half of the year was running. The second half was more like limping, and at times crawling. Though there were many bright spots (mainly in the shape of the wonderful people in my life) there were also many dark spots.

I could very easily say “screw you 2017” as the clock strikes midnight tomorrow (and i’m sure i will in some way) but instead of writing about that here i am choosing to write some other thoughts i have about this year…

2017 taught me a lot of lessons but the biggest one of all was trust. I talk a lot about trust…i’m sure if you go back through all of my blogs (this one and all the many others i have had through the years) you will find that word a lot. But that is the thing; I have always talked about trust, trying to practice it, but I never really REALLY HAD TO. I’ve trusted God all my life with little and seemingly big things (some of them were bigger than others) but this year I HAD TO TRUST. There was no other option. No other way to do life. One of my favorite quotes is by Brennan Manning when he says “When all else is unclear, the heart of trust says, as Jesus did on the cross; ‘Into Your hands I commit my spirit’.” There were many moments this year where i have had to practice that but one in particular stands out. I had the choice to trust God or trust my circumstances. I chose God. And it was and is the best decision i made and am still making everyday. Because God knows more than we do. God sees and knows where He is taking us. It may not be the road you’d choose to walk or one you never thought you’d have to but He knows and He SEES YOU. Nothing can touch us without passing through His hands first.

When life is hard and uncertain trust is all there is. There is no mask, there is no clear view. There is only saying to God “in Your hands i commit my spirit”. And then saying that over and over, day after day, second after second when the fear and anxiety starts to take hold and it is all you can do to breathe. “God, into Your hands i commit my spirit”.

There have been very few moments in my life where i have audibly “heard” God speak to me…though He speaks through His scripture all of the time, this time was different. I was having a major anxiety attack (for those of you who deal with anxiety attacks you know what i am talking about, but for those of you who haven’t experienced them let me just say they SUCK and feel like you can’t breathe) after a long month and i just crumbled. At that moment, in my questioning state, God spoke to my spirit with just two firm words; “TRUST ME.”. That was it. TRUST ME. The words were firm and stern and deep within my soul. I could feel them and hear them. At that point i said the only thing anyone could say “Okay.”. And i dried my tears and went on with my day.

Trust is a daly choice and one that didn’t just get easier for me. But i am trying. In the bible in Rev. 21:5 God states “I make all things new. Write, for these words are trustworthy and true.”. God can’t lie, so trust leads me to believe that if i stand firm and have faith and trust in God when all i know is falling, then He will indeed make all things new…maybe not when i want them or how i would have them but He is faithful in every season. And for everything there is a season…

Which leads me to the next lesson, God IS FAITHFUL. His love is strong. Stronger than anything. 2017 has had it’s many trails but it’s done me the best favor; it’s led me into a deeper relationship with God. In the trails 2017 bought it revealed a deeper side to God’s strong, unending love that carries us when we can’t stand. And that is PRICELESS. I don’t know what i would do without that love…it brings joy in the pain. It’s a pillow to the restless. It’s a safety net to the falling. And it makes no sense how you can be joyful when in so much pain but the love of God makes it possible.

There are many things i could say about what this year has taught but those are thoughts for another time and blog. In closing i want to pose this question:

What should we say to 2017? After a hard year what do we say? What do we say to what is left? What do we say at midnight when we are pouring the champagne and clinking glasses? I am wresting with this question today.



Maybe it’s not saying “screw you” like i suggested before. Maybe it’s not “goodbye”. But maybe it’s holding our heads up and saying “thank you”…through clinched fists and strained voices, with all the strength of our soul and a deep breathe; “thank you.” Thank you that i am alive. Thank you that i am still here breathing because that means there is still a chance. A chance for hope. A chance for joy. A chance for healing. A chance for New.

I think it takes true strength to say thank you to what has broken you. And by “broken” please don’t get me wrong, i mean broken in the best sense. It can be a beautiful, albeit incredibly bittersweet, to be broken. Because then we have the chance to be made new. Jesus’ was broken for us and look at what amazing beauty came of that.

So wherever you are, wherever 2017 finds you i pray we find the strength to say our parting words to the year not in bitterness but in hope. I know it’s tough. I know it may be gut wrenchingly hard. But i pray that you can see how much God loves you and that deep in your soul you will feel and know that He makes all things new. He IS faithful. In every season, in the joy and in the pain, God IS FAITHFUL.

I am not the same person i was on Jan. 1st 2017. And, no matter how hard the changing was, i like the new me.

Happy New Year my dear, beautiful, loving friends. I am TRULY thankful for you all and I pray blessings over your 2018, my God make it new and beautiful.


“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33

“And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” – Rev. 21:5

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?

I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.

He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-11




Thoughts On Time and Places….

So i turn 28 on Sunday…ekk weird huh? Two years until 30 (whoa!). I’ve been in a sort of weird place as of late with the getting older and the various work stress, life stress and my overall issues. I have not been handling these stresses the best. I’ve been trying by hardest to let God take my burdens and surrender my worries to Him…but that is so easier than said and as much as i desire it it seems so very away sometimes.

I had hoped to “have it all together” at this point (HA!!). Or even have it semi-all together. But have i come to realize that that is just not me – not my life plan. I am that “hot mess” gal that you see who is just trying her best to love others and love Jesus and keep her clients and companies happy all the while doing her best to be a great wife and friend, daughter and sister and have that rockin’ cat eye on point (yall know i love my eyeliner!). I fall short (pun intended…ya know, because i am short..get it?) most of the time.

But here i am, confused, tired, excited and so many other things And really in need of some time away. Time to un-plug, time to read, write, listen, eat, swim,explore, to find myself again. .And cry. Because sometimes you just need some time to cry for what has been and what will be.

With all that being said, i have begun to write a list of things i feel are important to remember and do as well i things a few things i have learned in these 28 years. Cheers!

1. Dream

This 28th year of my life is really want to restart dreaming. And i don’t just mean dream – I mean dreaming in the power of Jesus. Praying and dreaming with hope to bring glory to His name and love, help and connect others to His love and healing. I have always had this feeling, and it is growing stronger by the day,  that there is something God wants me to do with this messy, batty heart and story of mine….i don’t what that is but i feel like He is putting new thoughts, dreams, hopes and ideas in my heart and  i am excited to find the out and what He wants me to do with them. Life gets in the way of dreaming sometimes…the list of things clients need, laundry that has to be done, dinner that has to be cooked and cleaned and so on and so on but dreaming is important and 28 will be my dreaming year. So Cheers!

2. Explore

While i LOVE exploring this big ol’ world and want to do more of it in this list item i am talking about exploring who you are, who i am. It does go with #1 but comes with a whole new set of emotional baggage but is worth it i believe. Again i repeat life gets in the way too often and with responsibilities (What’s that?….*shout out to all the MXPX fans who actually get that reference…if you don’t we can’t be friends…lol i’m just kidding, look it up and then we can be friends)

3. Create

While my job requires me to be creative on a day-to-day basis i have found that i NEED a creative outlet outside of my work – Writing is one of those outlets, baking is too, along with painting which i have taken up with my mom in-law and sis in-law in recent years. This year i really want to take more time to create in many different forms – Painting, writing, baking, crafting and finally learning and finishing those crochet and cross stitch projects i started 3 years ago but got too busy to complete. And anything else God puts on my heart. This year, i pray, will be a year of creation

4. Laugh

I am a big fan of laughter…if you know me at all you know i laugh a lot…and usually at the most random and inappropriate times (thankfully my husband is the same so we get each other lol). I feel laughter can get you through the most messed up times…even if the only thing to laugh at is how messed up the situation is it does help. So want to always remember to laugh….laugh is the good times, in the awkward times and in the “i have no idea how i am going to do this/get through this/what is going to happen times. Oh, and you don’t already have some find some crazy friends who will laugh with you at all of these things and even crazier things because that really helps your heart too (it really helps mine <3)

5. Remember it WILL all be okay

This is one i am having to remind myself as of late. And as i write this it is hard for me….but i know IT IS TRUE. Things ache and life can get very, very stressful and frustrating but it really will be okay. I have gone through some dark times in my life, times of confusion, depression and many other various situations where it seems so hopeless…but guess what? HOPE FOUND ME. As it always does and always will – but you have to let it in. Don’t give yourself away to despair –  hope and joy are ready to hold you. So let it hold you. Let God hold you

Also, i want to remember where i have been, what i have prayed for, and how God has moved and answered me. This is very important in life. Keeping a prayer journal helps so you can record your prayers and ways God has answered…i’ve not been very good at keeping up with that but i would like to do so this year.


This year i want to take more time to breathe. To step back from everyday life/stress/work and take care of myself. My heart, mind, body and soul. Whether that comes in the form of creating or praying or just taking longer walks in the woods my heart, every heart, needs that time to reconnect with one’s self and with God. I love nature, i love walking and exploring the woods on our land finding new plants and creeks and breathing in the fresh air while the sun kisses my skin. I will do more of that this year. I will take more time to lay on the grass and stare at the clouds and stairs and let my heart be made new by its beauty.

7. Surrender

Ah surrender, you funny friend…always so easy to invite in, so hard to let stay. But in the end so beautiful to commune with. Surrender is easier said than done, and believe me on most days it is a power struggle but i know, i KNOW, from experience it is the ONLY way. I look back on my life to when i have FULLY surrendered to God, like EVERYTHING…relationships, mind, body, circumstances and i see His fingerprints so clearly it’s almost too crazy…but it’s not

8. Trust

I don’t do well with trust…even though i desire it it is so hard for me. Even though time and time and time again God had proven He WILL provided exceedingly more than i could ask in times of trouble i turn to doubt. This is silly. As i know, I HAVE SEEN God work in my life and the lives other others. I wants so desperately to be like Jesus on the cross and say “Into Your hands i commit my spirit”

The song “It Is Well” by Bethel Music describes my prayer for this year of my life “So let go my soul and trust in Him The waves and wind still know His name”

Trusting in God’s time, plan, path and will can be so hard, but dear heart listen when i say this (to me as much as you reading) it IS AND WILL BE WORTH IT.

So, those are my 8 things i want to do in my 28th year on this big ‘ol beautiful, crazy world. I would love to hear what things you are hoping to make time for this year if you feel so inclined to share 🙂

In closing, i want to give a big shout out and thanks to those wonderful people who put up with me for my whole life and every day – I know i can be a lot to deal with sometimes lol but ya’ll keep this heart of mine happy and full. I am SO crazy thankful for the people in my life; my family on both sides, my husband and my sweet friends, thank you all for loving me and always being there to listen, pray and share life with me.

Cheers 28, my eyes and heart are wide open waiting to see what you have in store ❤


The Road To New – Celexa and God

“Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.” – Ecclesiastes 3:11

December 2012 was my first Christmas in GA and also my first Christmas away from my family. It was a very tough season for me. Earlier that year in April i officially moved to the peach state. I was also newly married. It was a very hard season of change for me. So a week before Christmas i decided to try an anti-depressant for the first time. It helped. So i stayed on it. Fast forward to January of this year, i made the decision to come off of Celexa for the simple reason that i just didn’t need it anymore.

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” – Philippians 1:6

It’s been a rough road. Even though i came off gradually i still got electric shock feelings and over all tingling sensations all over my body which made not only working and interacting but also just the simple act of being awake very hard. Brain fog and balance problems were there too. Oh and emotions. Crazy, roller coaster emotions as well.

I feel like the flood gates have broken open and every single emotion i have and have ever had is coming by to say “hello” and “i’m just going to make my home here and never leave”.

But, i think there is something here to learn. I have this crazy feeling God is in this. After many days and nights crying out to Him about how i can’t control these emotions and feelings of mine i slowly feel like my heart is changing and coming to understand that this is clean up time. This is Cecily heart maintenance. And it’s a rough, painful job.

“There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build” – Ecclesiastes 3:1-3

God is really using this time of my life to show me just how cold and lost my heart is when i don’t keep Him at the center of my life. He is bringing to light all of the crappy feelings i have let fester inside of me for too long. Things that it’s time to let go of. Things that He wants me to see through His eyes. Not my own.

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” – Romans 12:2

To be honest, it has left me drained and exhausted. Drained because it’s a fight. A fight between my self and God and the enemy. I don’t want to surrender and moreover the enemy doesn’t want me to surrender. Because if i do surrender God will take over. I won’t be able to hold on to the anger, fear, insecurity and pain that i have found a home in for so long. If i surrender God will make this mess beautiful.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28

I am not very beautiful right now. My heart needs maintenance. It needs to be broken. I need to be broken so i can be made new. There is a season for everything. This is my season to be made new. To let God take all this junk in this heart and to make it love what He loves and see how He sees and act how He acts. Oh how i want that.

“He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21:5

So as much as i feel beat i know i am not. I know this is the valley on the way to what God has planned. And i am so excited to see what He has at the end of this valley. My eyes are wide with hope and expectancy. I will wait and i will fight and i will surrender. I will let my God, my King fight for me because i don’t have the strength to fight on my own. And in the end it will be beautiful and i will be refined.

I’ve heard it said that God loves you too much to leave you the way that you are. I think that is true.

“These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold–though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.” – 1 Peter 1:7