Some people in their early twenties desire to purse a career,go dancing on the town with their friends etc…i on the other hand just wanted to be married. Married and have my own little baking biz on the side but marriage was the first thing always on my mind.
I can’t really tell you why. From the age of 16 through 19 i wanted nothing to do with marriage. It just seemed like death to put it bluntly. I was very angry back then at a lot of things and kept it all inside. That is until the moment in my life came where i let God take it all away, all the pain anger and fear. I let Him open my heart and i let love in.
Ever since then, He has changed my heart toward love and marriage and it was the thing i wanted most. I used to have the fear that i wouldn’t get married until my forties and i’d have to wear a pant suite like Hilary Clinton’s. Now being that i married at 22 i find that fear funny, but back then…let’s just say it was very real :0
I’ve been thinking about why i want to be a wife and why i want to be a good and virtuous one.
Proverbs 31:10-12 says
“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”
When i read that my heart just leaps – I want my price to be far above rubies! I want my husband to safely trust me and i want to do him good all his life! I want to a virtuous and Godly wife to my husband, not only because i love him, but because God calls me to as well.
Thankfully, i have many good example of Godly women to look up to, my mom being the first, as well as family and friends,
I guess i have realized that i don’t see marriage being entered into just because you love someone, i see it as a blessing of responsibility, trust, love. I see it as a calling. My calling as a wife is to love and honor my husband and bring him good. My calling, as a Christian wife, is to be an example for God’s love and grace to my husband. I see this as both beautiful and full of weight. I don’t take being a wife lightly. Yes, love is so fun and wonderful and full of happy sweet moments, but the act of entering a marriage union with someone is so much more and far greater than that.
Chason and i have always had a very deep relationship…probably because we connected with each others hurt and pains of life. Because of this i feel very compelled to protect his heart and emotions…not saying i always do a good job (pms makes me a witch), but his heart is very special to me and i tend to feel like a momma bear when someone/something hurts him. And i know he is the same with me (i’ve seen it :) So, yes marriage is fun, but it is also a huge responsibility, And every day i am honored and blessed and in awe that it has been given to me.
(shhhoooot, dat be right!!)
Marriage changes everything…at least it did for me. I used to be a city girl, i wanted to live in the heart of the downtown noise and chaos. Now, i just want a quiet country home in the south where we can raise our kids with lots of land and animals and family. Funny, huh? Also, once we got married i became a lot more jealous of his past ex’s…it really never was an issue to me when we were dating, but i swear the day i said “i do” i became a fierce bear cat. I literally growl when they are mentioned lol…i’m a bit of batty case i admit (but so is he and that’s why we love each other). Oh, i tell you, you will hate and want every person your spouse had ever even made eyes with to be eaten by a pack of zombie wolves.
(Rawwwwwrrrrr, i eat trollops for dinner!!! Nomm nom nommm)
Marriage changes you!
Marriage has brought out the very good and the very ugly in me. And i am better for it. This new gal has a more tender and soft heart…one that aches to just give others as much love and grace as i have received from my Lord and my love. This heart wants a huge house of kids and pets and big family holidays. I could care less about city life and nights on the town. That’s all good and fine and i like it as long as i am with my hubby, but my priorities have shifted. These days i want to focus on learning how to be the wife and mother God wants me to be for my husband and our future little ones. I want to grow and become a more God centered women, I know i have a long way to go and some days a fail so horribly that i feel like i may never be there, but that is what is so awesome about the love of God and your husband…there is forgiveness and grace, sweet grace and love to fall back on.
So, i guess this is all to say i love being a married women, and not only that, but a woman married to my husband :) It is a huge change and adjustment, and i’m not saying that i have given up things i want…i still want to bake and have some city night life times. I am still me with all my crazy, batty oddness but now i just have someone to love me at the most batty of times and live our oddness out side by side serving our Lord as we grow old. Amazing isn’t? Yes, it totally awesomely is :)